What are you thinking?!

"I don't get it...

What are you all thinking?!"

Have you ever looked at someone else's life and said these words?

Or maybe you just thought it.

Maybe your response came from a place of judgement, but more likely it comes from a place of sheer confusion. You just don't really understand why someone would do...that.

Our family gets the shocked/confused/perplexed face fairly often.

There are some choices we have made as a family that don't fit into the "norm" and often times folks are simply confused as to why we would choose this seemingly nonsensical path.

In this post, I seek to explain a little bit of where we're coming from, as a family.

Not to defend any one world view.

Not to speak for anyone else who has made similar choices.

Simply to expose our hearts and intentions,
in hopes that it will be easier to understand us.
And who knows?
Maybe you know someone like us and it will help you understand them a little better too?
The goal is not to have you necessarily agree with us.
There's nothing wrong with disagreeing.
There aren't any 2 people in the world who always agree.
I think that it's not  the agreeing that's important.
It's the listening.
And the understanding.
I have found in my own life that it's easier to distance myself from people who I don't understand.
And it always seems easier to keep misunderstanding than it is to seek to understand.

I also think that, most of the time, when we stop and take the time to listen to people who are different from us, we will find an immense amount of compassion and grace hiding in our hearts.

SO, like I said, I am not speaking to any one particular person or for any group of people.
And please know that I am not speaking against anyone who has differing opinions. 

Just here to say...In case you've ever wondered...this is where this family is  coming from.

Often times, I think people think we are either
 Super crazy,
Super weird,
or Super Spiritual.
I think we are non of the above.

But then again, from where I sit, it would be hard to say, definitively.
At least about the weird and crazy part.
I can say definitively we are NOT super spiritual.
We are just regular people whose lives really were made new and redirected by a Super natural event.  We were made into new and different people after being drawn into a personal relationship with the  God of the Bible.
This one relationship does motivate all of the choices that we've personally made. But that is because we serve a very personal God who very personally leads His people.
It doesn't mean that our choices are "distinctly Christian" choices or ones that all Christians should make, if they love Jesus.
With that preface...

What kinds of things exactly do we get funny looks for? What kinds of things do people ask us questions about either directly or indirectly? Here are a few.


1. Why would you take your family (especially all of your young children) all the way to a third world country to live? Isn't that selfish or foolish at best? Surely, their quality of life and safety is greatly compromised. You're not just some bohemian couple who can travel at a whim. You have to think about your children, too.

We've chosen to live, for a time, in the Dominican Republic instead of our small town in North Carolina, where all of our family resides. This does come at a level of sacrifice. But every choice you ever make will come at a certain degree of sacrifice.  Even living in a nice, big house in Suburbia and having the best insurance possible will come at a sacrifice (Someone has to work long, hard hours to afford said life). The real question becomes, "Is this sacrifice worth it?" We live here because we have the opportunity to serve Haitians living here and we consider this work to be something God set aside for us to do as part of our "life's work." For how long and in what capacity is totally up to God.
We believe certain things about our personalities and dynamics as a family have been given to us as gifts from God, to help us accomplish the tasks laid before us. It's not so much that we do these things because of our personalities or desires, but that our desires and personalities are tools for us to use.
For example-
we like change, are pretty resilient, enjoy traveling, don't mind living minimally, are fairly laid back by nature, etc.
We do think about how our choices affect our children. This is of great importance to us. We are not comfortable sacrificing our children at the altar of work wether it is called ministry or humanitarian work or being a good doctor, or teacher, or plumber. They are a great priority to us and we expect that whatever choice we make as we follow our good and loving God (who greatly loves them too) will have powerful affects on who they become. We also expect that our choices, just like all parents, will have some "negative" affects and some "positive" affects on them. Many times, it is hard to see from where we sit how it will all shake out. Our hope is that our children will be flexible, resilient, sharp-thinkers, who can process much of the unknown world around them and love people well regardless of where they come from, because of the experiences that they are having in their early years. We hope that they will be strong and have the ability to do things that are uncomfortable with servant hearts to lead those around them.
BUT
it could be that they become people with OCD who crave stability and avoid riding in tight minivans at all costs, so as not to relive their childhood of being packed into gwa-gwas with ladies who carry chicken's in their purse.
Hard to say.
Gonna have to trust God on that one.
And love them like crazy, regardless.
And be willing to apologize.



2. When are you all going to stop having kids? And why wasn't it a couple kids ago? 
The other day, we were walking through Sosua, a town here in the Dominican, close to where we live.
We were waiting at a cross walk. I carried Joey in the sling on the front of me and held Shepherd's hand while Noah held Aslan and Haddon's hand. Sosua is a not a town intended for families and the crowd that frequents it's streets are, well let's just say, not generally families.
A couple of ladies zoomed up on their moped to the light where we were waiting to cross. She looked at us wide-eyed and counted out loud while pointing at each of our children, "Uno, dos, tres, quatro..." wherein we couldn't help but interject in unison, while pointing at my belly, "cinco!!"
It was like a cheesy moment from a Spanish Sesame Street episode.
They laughed and shook their heads like, "Crazy gringos," and off they went.

I think those moments are funny. I am  not a person that is easily offended and I get that it's just completely out of the expected norm.

So, why do we keep having more kids?
Well, one reason is...
 we like it.

I enjoy being pregnant.
I really enjoy all of my kids.
So the thought of more is a pleasant one.
It's not totally complicated.
It doesn't mean that you don't enjoy your kids as much as I enjoy mine if you've chosen to have less children than we have.
I'm just saying it's not all that puritanical.
We are young. We are happily married. We do what young, happily married people do and we get pregnant and we're ok with that. God could have designed the conception of a child a million different ways and he chose one specific way.
And we aren't in a place at this point in our lives where we want to go to great lengths to redirect His natural design. We know most people do and that they love God just as much,if not more, than us.
It doesn't mean we are trying to make some sort of "statement." It doesn't mean we have a number of children in mind for our family. It doesn't mean we will have more after this baby, or that we won't. We will just take life one gift at a time. There are certain ethical convictions we do have about the gift of children and the sanctity of life and God's design within creation. We have no idea what life will hold for us and for our future.
We just know that we want to have hearts that are always open to the gift of a child.
For a child truly is a gift, in every way.
Always. regardless of their health, regardless of their gender, or the timing of their birth.
We want to have hearts that are filled with thankfulness, when gifts are given to us.  We, as people, cannot always recognize a gift when we see it at first. But we want to always have hearts predisposed towards gratitude.


But how will you provide for all of these children?! Financially? Emotionally? Spritually? Eeeeeek!!!!!

This is the one we get the most. People are generally most concerned about the financial element, which I find surprising, to be honest.

Noah and I are Americans. This means we are from one of the richest countries that has ever existed in all of history. At least for now.

Of all people in the world, it is hardest to make an argument for having less children in America because you won't be able to provide for them.

Right now, we live in a third world country where people truly struggle to feed their children.
With that said, we are from a country where parents are almost ALWAYS able to feed and clothe and shelter their children if they so desire (barring mental illness or some other unique circumstance.)
Maybe not exactly how they want to but not because there simply isn't enough work or food or shelter.

Noah and I live the way that we do by our own choosing. Financially, this means that currently Noah has chosen a vocation that offers a product that does not bring in it's own income. Therefore we, like almost all people in our type of work (pastors, humanitarian/aid workers, some non-profit employees, politicians, etc) rely on the financial support of others who want to see us do the work we do. If people who believe in the mission of HaitiLove did not give, we simply could not do the work we do. But they give because they believe that this is God's mission and not just a personal whim of our family. We strive to gain more support on a monthly basis and this is a major area of prayer for our family.
With that being said, God has always provided for our family, abundantly.

In many seasons of our lives, God has provided for us through a job that brings a direct income for it's service (i.e. electrician, carpenter, youth pastor).
Noah has done many jobs and provided for our family in many ways and this is always a priority to him. Our children have never gone without needed food/nutrition and we don't ever expect them to.
I choose not to work outside of our home to bring an income and Noah chooses to be in full time ministry right now.
And we choose to live with the limitations of these choices. Our children have never complained about all of the time they get with me.
They may complain about not getting to pick out any toy they want at Target or eat out whenever they want. But that is just life. No one always gets what they want.
At any point in time, if God ceased providing for our family to do what we do, we are left with numerous options.
Now,
part of the reason Noah and I can do what we do is because we have a low expectation of financial "stability" and a high threshold for financial "instability."
What this means is that we are simply more comfortable with a certain level of "financial instability" than most people. This is a matter of both preference and conscience.
Most people prefer to live at a level of material comfort that is slightly higher than ours
 (though I do like material comfort aplenty. More on that in a moment.)
I think it just has something to do with those special "tools" God has given us.
 I'm not saying that we are slumming it or anything. We are not poor. Trust me. We just have less than most Americans.
BUT, I honestly do not care if we ever own our own home.
I could care less of we have 2 cars... or 1... or none (though I'd prefer one to none;). I doesn't bother me much if I drive a junk heap that will keep me from having to stress over spilling coffee on the upholstery. Or if I get the opportunity to drive a beamer that I don't eat or drink in. Either way is fine for me...I think. Don't have much experience with the latter;)
We don't need a spacious home. I don't have to have a "new house" or a "nice house." I've lived in both. They're both equally a home to make memories in.
It's not that I don't care AT ALL or that I don't struggle with materialism. Trust me. I DO.
It's just that I don't care enough to let it drive us to make different lifestyle choices.
I'm as materialistic as the next gal. I love shopping. I love beautiful things and regardless of if we live in a trailer or a big house, I will try to reflect the beauty of our Creator in both order and creativity.
I just don't HAVE TO have _______to be happy.
I may want it some times. Bad. But not enough to go work a full time job. Not enough for Noah to go get a job somewhere else only for the sake of "financial security."
Especially because "Financial security" tends to be a false illusion anyway.

Anyone can lose their perfectly secure job at any moment so making decisions solely with financial security in mind isn't what makes most sense to us.
Especially when God is so clearly leading us down a path that may not offer financial security but does offer the peace of following obediently after Jesus and His plan for our lives.

It's perfectly honorable to work hard at whatever you do and even to seek financial stability for yourself and your family.  We seek to do this through raising our own support and having our monthly support goal be one that provides things like insurance for our family.
But this is also why I say it is a matter of conscience. Some people would have to betray their conscience to go without insurance for a time or not provide certain things for their family that are either real or perceived needs, so it would be wrong for them.
But we are fully at peace with the choices we've made and feel that our entire family is well provided for.




Sure, all those kids may not seem like a big financial burden NOW, but wait till they're older or worse... in college!

Yeah, maybe.
I don't know because I've never had teenagers or children in college.
Here's what I do know.
I have three boys right now who eat like grown men.
I plan to restrict all sports in our home so that extra calories can't be burned, therefore raising poets and artists, instead of athletes.
This is a practical step towards keeping the grocery bill down.
Oh, Shoot!!
But I need them to play sports so they can get scholarships because I can't afford their college!!
Well, crapper.
I'm up a creek on that one.

But seriously, here's the thing.
I know I am not enough for my children. 
Neither Noah or I were made to give them all that they ever need in life.
We are 2 people with limited time, resources, patience, etc. But we will live and make choices both knowing this and yet simultaneously acting like we are enough. I don't know if that makes sense.
Here's what I mean.
My children aren't a side note in my life. We make choices assuming that they need ALL of us. And yet, we will run up against our limitations and our humanity time and time again. And this will not be surprising to us.
They were not made for us and us for them.
They were made for God.
And, gratefully, His limitations are truly endless.
There will be so much we cannot be for them. So much we cannot offer to them. Not just financially, but in so many ways. Yet I have no doubt that they will always have all of what a person really needs in life. They will have all that God has in His endless resources available to them, if they want it. A person is so much more than flesh and blood and circumstances. They are people with a body, a soul, and a mind.
 My hope is not to offer them everything but instead to offer them the real things.
They will struggle and they will find places of great need and there will be times I want to rescue them or offer a way out and I cannot. But God knows what they really need and they were made for Him and His plans for their life.
So they will be ok.
Life is hard. And life will offer us all many obstacles and disappointments and I hope they will experience some of this reality in the environment of a loving home before they have to experience it in a harsh world with people who don't know or care about God being at the center if it all.
This is of immense comfort to us.
And this is a big reason why I am not afraid of having 5 children. Or no retirement. Maybe I should be more afraid.
Maybe one day it'll hit me like a mac truck. But I don't think it wise to make decision based out of fear. I am not afraid about my future or about my children's future. Proverbs 31:28 speaks of a woman hopeful about the future, "laughing at the days to come..." even though she doesn't know what exactly they will hold.
Our lives may be terribly hard and they may be terribly wonderful and they may be both. And that may or may not have something to do with the amount of children we have or our lack of savings. Our children, thus far, have brought us an immense amount of joy and we look forward to the next one.

As far as college goes...
I am not planning on being able to afford my children's college education.
Don't call Social services yet.
To be honest, that would be the case wether we had 1 child or 12 children. College in America is very expensive and though I don't know the future, I don't anticipate Noah and I making the kind of income that affords many of the college options available.
Now.
This doesn't mean I have stolen opportunities from my children.
They are free to go to college-if they want to.
They don't have to.
Maybe God has made them to do something that doesn't require a college education and they are dang good at it and they love doing it more than anything else.
They should do that thing.
OR
Maybe I end up being better at this homeschooling thing than I realize and one of my kids is crazy smart and wants to be a doctor.
They will need to go to school for that.
And lots of it.
And we can cross that bridge when it gets here.
They can, believe it or not, work their way through college.
It may be really hard. But hard stuff isn't bad.
Maybe they're smart enough to get a great scholarship.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Maybe.
There are plenty of options available for almost any goal.
I want to raise children who know themselves and their gifts very well. I want to raise people who know what God has given them to offer this world. People who know where they're going in life before we pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to figure it out.
And then, once our children know where they wanna go, we will do everything in our power to get them there and pray for all of the the things outside of our power.
We're in 100% to see our children be successful.
There are just lots of unknowns and many ways to define success.
We are choosing to invest the majority of our efforts into their person as a whole in the present and not worry about their future and all of it's unknowns.

If we can build people.
I am confident that they will build lives.

On that note, people some times wonder...

Why do you choose to homeschool your kids? Aren't they missing out on tons of socialization and educational opportunities?!

Yeah, Maybe.
There are pro's and con's to every choice. There are things we gain and things we lose from homeschooling. But for our children and our family life right now, we gain far more homeschooling than we lose.
I could sit here and argue for the fact that not all home schoolers are weird and that they generally excel beyond their peers academically. But who cares?
Umm, I think lots of kids are weird.
Lots of people are weird.
And lots of people are smart in lots of different ways.
I went to public school up until junior high and then onto private school and finally homeschool, finishing it off with a good ol' dropout and GED.
Which one of those made me weird, huh?
 I have tried it all and enjoyed different elements from them all. I don't think that there is one way to educate a child. I simply think that it is important for parents make the decision of how to educate their child with a well informed, humble, prayerful attitude. And may they be led by faith. There may very well be a particular child or a particular season in our lives when we choose to educate our children totally different. These are people we are raising! Not robots. May God continue to lead us and may we walk by faith regardless.
We've weighed the options. We've watched our children and we know our family and this is the best option. Today.
It's not the blueprint to building successful people.
It's just us listening to God lead us. Today.
And we are so grateful for the freedom to choose this for our family.
We don't know everything. No teacher does. We have tons of resources, tons of love and tons of insight into these little people. In that sense, we have much more than most traditional teachers.
But it still doesn't mean it's always the best option.
Just now. For us.

Our family's First music video... with a surprise ending

Happy 4th of July from the Dominican Republic!!!

Today we are celebrating the freedom we have to see every life as a blessing.

Every.

Single.

One.

p.s. I haven't played the guitar in about a decade so try to appreciate the effort;) pleeeeez...
Or not.
Your call.

Banana Pig

My kids are blessed beyond measure.

They've been given two phenomenal grandmothers.

And they could not be more different.

My mom is 6 foot tall, a bundle of energy and adventure, and considers the word "nap" to be akin to dropping the F bomb. If she were a work out, she'd be Billy Blank's "Tae Bo"... in heels. To have fun with her grandkids, she does stuff like have all 11 grandkids (all under the age of 8) help her put up and decorate the Xmas tree without any other adult supervision, then they all sleep on her floor in her bedroom that night.

Like I said, who needs sky diving when you've got adventure like that?!

Nana, on the other hand, is the perfect Yin to Mimi's Yang. 

All slow southern drawl and gentle ease. She considers the word "nap" to be better than most things the world has to offer. She knits and reads and watches old movies. If she were a work out, she'd be a walk through the park...a short one. One in which she would stop multiple times to observe and appreciate some sort of bird or flower or amphibian. Maybe pick up a snake?

I kid you not. You would never guess this gentle grandmother loves reptiles and other slimy things.

My mom? She may have a snake skin purse or heels. And the slimiest thing she handles is hair wax.

Nana actually used to have a pet snake.

For Nana, quality time with the grandkids is usually one on one. While here, she read to the kids and had numerous intimate conversations with my oldest who wanted nothing more than to just sit in her room with her while she relaxed and he talked and she listened. 

She's very good at listening.

And just like that, while she listened and we talked and everyone smiled...she came and went. 

Her 2 weeks with us were refreshing and relaxing and just like we knew they would be.

 God answered our prayers to protect her health during her trip and she felt great the entire time. 

As did we, anytime we looked up from our day to see her there, in our lives, enjoying the little moments with us.

Nana and Joey together

We love Nana like crazy and she is truly one of my very best friends. 

I knew the first day I met her.

I actually went to her house to meet her without Noah, even though we had only been dating a few weeks.

Noah wanted us to meet and she had me over to her house one Saturday. 

She was wearing denim overalls and playing in the creek barefoot with her granddaughter.

They were catching crawdads.

She spoke slow, walked slow, thought slow and I never felt rushed in her presence.

Not once.

It made me feel safe and welcome then.

And it still does.

eating roadside empanadas on the way to the beach

She sat and listened and smiled gently and I got the sense there was no wrong answer.

Only love and acceptance and a warm embrace.

That is still how I feel with her, which may be why we still love to talk so much.

Nana at her favorite place in the world- the beach 

She's still as beautiful as she was when she had her 3 boys. And she still loves the beach just as fervently.

She and Papa Wayne raised their boys going to the beach and it is my guess that they would slap a trailer down in the Outer Banks in a heartbeat if they didn't like their kids and grandkids so daggum much. 

I know that sitting in the sand watching my 3 blond sons run around the beach, collecting sea glass and pointing out crabs, was like reliving her days of motherhood.

Only hers would have probably included one boy tricking another into kicking down a "sandcastle" which was in actuality a brick hidden in a pile of sand.

Not like that ever happened.

Just throwing that out there.

At random.

Her boys were complete gentlemen.

I even got Nana to do Yoga with  me. She really loves me.
And so do her ligaments.

Even better, Nana lets me talk her into almost anything.

I can't talk my mom into many of my crazy ideas.

Nana, who remember doesn't do much uhh, strenuous activity, let me lead her into twisting her feeble old body into a pretzel.

I love her soooo much.

Nana and Joey are getting buried in the surf

Nana and Noah heading to church in Congrejo together

Nana had so much fun meeting the people who we get the opportunity to serve day in and day out.  Since getting home, she has said she still thinks about the people she met almost every day.  It was a great blessing to us for so many people and places we care about to collide. The best may have been when we tried to explain to Madame Clebert what we call Noah's mom. 
"Nana Peg."  Like "Banana" and "pig" but "Nana Peg."
Yeah.
It was a language fail.
As you can imagine.

Nana helps with school

She also jumped into our Ocean unit study, even bringing some old Seashell nature guides along.
I am OBSESSED with books, particularly old books and children's books and nature guides.
Books are only one of the loves Nana and I share.
She was a career librarian and I started a classroom library in the 1st grade with paper cards,stamps and all.
So we have practically the same experience under our belts.

Nana leaving. Sniff,sniff.

We were, of course, sad to see Nana go but we're already looking forward to time with her and Papa Wayne out on their land when we get back to NC.
Quiet space, forest walks, coffee, and some fried fish or any other delicious meal Papa Wayne can throw together.
It'll be grand.

Other than Nana's visit, here are some snippets of things we've been doing over the past couple of weeks.

Most of the time, we have power but about once a month, we randomly lose power for hours a day. It can be annoying, especially when you don't expect it, but it can also force us to slow down and appreciate the simplicity of life.

The boys continue to be blessed by their friendship with our neighbors. Not that they have a lot of fun or anything, but they manage to make it work.

I continue to look older with each passing year...who knew that would happen?!  I knew I had crow's feet in my future but it seems they have crept up on me while still in my youth.  Huh.
I also enjoy carrying around a baby doll head attached to the front of me.

Family time

Aren't they supposed to wait till they are teenagers to be too cool for school?

You may not have your own Banana Pig, but

I hope you are enjoying your summer and getting good quality time with your family and the people who will fill the history of your family memories. 

To God be the glory.

Thank you for keeping up with us.

The Joyners

We're Baaaack!!

It rained all night. Like poured.down.rain. 

I've always loved rain. At least for as long as I can remember.

As melancholy as it sounds, just about nothing puts me in a better mood than a good downpour.

Or even a whole day of downpours.

I remember my first short-term trip overseas.
 I was 16.
And only a recent convert to the "God-has-all-of my-life" Christianity instead of "God-is-part-of-the-many-parts-of-my-life" Christianity.

Noah & Pastor Clebert walking through our neighborhood to catch a taxi

Aslan before bed

My youth group joined other local youth groups from Las Vegas to go to Trinidad. There must have been 50 of us. I dunno. But,on some level,  I have to pity the folks we were helping. At the very least because they had to put up with me and my "part play-part dance-part sign-language" rendition of a Third Day song (not even done in their own language). 

It was done with the best intentions but I'm not sure it went far to aid them in their understanding of who Jesus is.
Or sign language.
Or music.
Or theatrics.
Anyhow,

I remember it raining the exact same kind of rain as it does here. In fact I remember it being very similar to the Dominican Republic. And I remember falling in love.

So I marvel that 15 years later, I find myself sitting in the muggy morning, listening to a cacophony of birds, and being in love in the very much the same way.
Minus the interpretive dance.

Noah & Pastor Clebert are shootin' the breeze with topics like Sanctification and Justification.

Our first team this Summer, Renovation Church from Ohio, gets ready to leave for Haiti early in the morning. This was their second trip with us and they were SO great. My children will forever tell a story that involves their entire team and my entire family (that's 12 people) in a Toyota Corrola.
 The morning they left for Haiti it was pouring down rain but good news for them! Their ponchos can fit over 2 backpacks!! Without looking silly in the slightest.
This picture makes me think of a certain Sir Mix-a-Lot song.

Now where was I?

Flying into Puerto Plata

We've been here about 6 weeks.
If you've wondered why I am only just now updating,
turns out having my 4th baby outside the belly rather than inside the belly is providing me with less focused time to sit down and write.
I am starting to get up very early in a mad dash for some alone time,though. And my hope is that this will also provide me with more time to blog. 

The weeks have been full with all of the details of getting settled in here.

 We went almost 2 weeks without a refrigerator, which wasn't as bad as you might imagine.
Until I started to get all crazy-get-me-a-fridge-now-or-I'll-lose-it-lady.
We are still in the the car hunt, though there are some prospect of renting while here instead of buying. We have some furniture, much of which Noah built with lumber he got here.
 Some of which we found from a hotel going out of business.
So I'm sure it's tooootally clean.
But  we are so grateful for ALL of it, each and every piece, for it comes to us directly from others generosity.
Furniture, even when used, is terribly expensive here, as is the case when living on almost any island because it's all shipped in. So we will continue to save up and buy it piece by piece as we find it or most likely we will just save up for the lumber and Noah will build it for us. Noah is one of the most resourceful men I know and that has proved terribly helpful here.
Seeing as our life is a mix of "Dirty Jobs," "House Hunter's International," "Design on a Dime," and "Nanny 911."

My Dominican washing machine.
No, you can't have it. It's all mine.

We spent a couple of days recently building beds in an attmept to get the boys mattresses up off of the floor.
As minimal as it may sound, I really think that part of the boy's being homesick has to do with how temporary this home still feels. It's largish,with tile floors and stucco walls which provide a challenge to coziness. But then you add no couch or comfortable furniture and beds on the floor and clothes still in suitcases and...you start missing home, and dressers, and beds, and rugs and couches.
Ya know?

All we need is some hammer and nail action to love on my kiddos.
And I don't terribly mind either. Perhaps some shelves or a side table,too?
Whew.
I'm feeling all fancy just talking about it! What's next? Pearls, heels, and a cocktail dress?!

Grandmother's,slow your breathing.
I know this seems a little pitiful. But remember.
They will be men one day. Men who will have to dig hairballs out of shower drains at they very least and leaders of their country at the very most.
Building Character.

Noah meets with some local pastors over coffee and looks very important using hand motions while holding the sugar container.

Noah continues to advance in his study of the Creole language. I am so proud of him every time I hear his conversations. It's no easy task and he makes it look much easier than it is. He also continues to meet with local leaders and pastors to encourage church revitalization in the Haitian church, both in the DR and in Haiti. He hopes to get time to study and write on the topics near to his heart while here. Topics like the relationship between the church,poverty, and international Missions/church planting. We're constantly learning more about how to slow down, pay attention, listen, learn a culture, and equip people to own the change in their communities. Missionaries have a pretty bad reputation for being irreplaceable in a community. We hope to be folks who can, in many ways, be easily forgotten. Behind-the-scenes workers who are not at all easily traded in for the real Savior.
For this and many things, we need those of you who are praying folks to remember us as you talk to the Father.

It has often been the case that before we even get our prayer requests out to our supporters, God has answered them.

 It was less than 24 hours between the time we asked folks to pray for a fridge over Facebook and we had one being delivered for the price we needed.

I wrote a newsletter to our supporters asking for prayers in the boy's transition and missing home. Within days and before we even got the newsletter out,we had met a family down the street with 4 kids, living here, from Tennessee.

Here, Aslan walks to our neighbor's house , The Miles, with a stick to scare away local dogs.

Haddon & Addy (age 7) cannot be in the same room and NOT color together- even if the power has gone out- so Addy is holding a flashlight for them to be able to continue. 

Gabe (age 10)  & Aslan doing what boys always seem to do.

Shepherd & Asher, ahem.
I mean Batman & Iron Man.

And then there's Lyla and Joey, who are 6 month apart and are naked in all their pictures together, so...
and then
they are due in July with another little baby girl, Quinn, and I bet they'd love tons of prayers for Quinn's birth.
Jenni and Patrick will be having a c-section here in the Dominican, just like they had their Lyla and just like with her, they expect God to show up.
And He will.
 I know they'd love to be lifted up by the body of Christ over the next couple of months. Will you remember their family in your prayers?

The Miles family lives near a field in our neighborhood and all the kids like to go cow tipping there.
  Well, maybe not yet, but if our poor kids end up spending their teenage years in the DR, you never know what they'll be doing for fun by then.
Cow tipping is the best of what I imagine.

Another answered prayer is our foster dog, Mister Copper. I think they named him that because of his color, but I like to say it in a british accent and be referring to a tough cop like, "Ey thers a mean Coppa."That may largely be my attempt to convince myself that he's a legitimate guard dog.
 He is big.
He's a full-bred Rhodesian Ridgeback and he barks like he's going to eat you alive...if you're another dog.
People not so much.
And he has no front teeth, some arthritis, and sleeps most of the day.
But he is big.
Did I mention he's big?

At least that's what I'm hoping some teenager who wants my Iphone is thinking.


Seriously though, he's a serious answer to prayer since our poor doggie, Auggie is stuck at home without us.
And by poor I mean she's with our close friends who have 4 kids, take her to parks and have even been rumored to give her a night light and classical music to sleep with.
And, no she has never tried to leave our house to go home with that friend once we were back in the states and said friend was hanging out at our place. She wouldn't think of laying down in the cul-de-sac on the pavement in front of said friends van in an attempt to be taken away from her real home.
Yeah, Auggie's basically living like little Orphan Annie on vacation at Daddy Warbucks house, if ya know what I mean?
Anyway,Mister Copper is gonna keep us safe, especially when Noah heads out for Haiti, which is often this summer.
And he's great with the kids, which is all a mama could ask for.
And he is big.

Joey enjoys some raw sugar cane in place of a teething biscuit. If she ends up having a serious sweet teeth, I'm blaming the Dominicans. 

Madam Clebert (Pastor Clebert's wife) makes us the most delicious Haitian and Dominica food you can imagine

We've been meeting new friends and spending time with old ones.


We're doing really well most of the time. Struggling through some times. And learning more about God and our selves all the time.
We are really happy to be here and getting so many opportunities to meet new people, love on people, minister to people, and be ministered to.
More and more, it seems to me, that this isn't particular to a place or a people. I am confident that there are people in every town and in every country who need to be reminded that God is real and He is among us.

Chiefly myself.
And God is central to this mission, not us.
We are confident that God is right slap-dab in the middle of us.
And there is no better place to be than that.
Thank you for keeping up with us. Thinking of us. Praying for us. Caring for us.
We hope to do the same for you.

Shep & Haddon trying to stay cool

Our new "bath time." With no hot water in the house no one's dying to soak in a tub so we generally just take a bar of soap outside and get er' done.
Shep loves it.
Obviously.

We're slightly gentler with Joey, bathing her in a rice pot of cold water. After all, she is a lady.

And when we're not enjoying cold showers and good conversation,

we're managing pests of the more exotic kind.

Like baby lizards in your bed...

And hanging homemade fly traps

that don't work.
I even went hunting on our lawn and got a scoop of dog poop to make this thing (you know poop attracts flies).
It was worth it if it would bring the quadrillion flies out of my house and into their wee little poop trap.

It didn't.
I just wanted you to be clear on how desperate I was.

And on that note.



I'll be kind enough to leave you with a picture of a cute baby girl, instead of hanging poop.
You're welcome.

One of the most important blog posts I've ever written...

I sit down to write this letter in response to another blogger's post entitled, "Ministry is a life lived together, Not "Your husbands job." 

Mrs. Hilary Alan (author of the new book entitled, Sent) wrote her post as an open letter particularly to women who are both married and mothers and missionaries (I highly suggest you personally read her post before reading mine as my writing is specifically in response to hers).

 I write this letter in the form of a personal response to Mrs. Alan but I intend it even as a letter of challenge and encouragement to the church as a whole, that we all may reconsider our opinions and philosophies of the role of the wife/mother on the mission field. I will be writing at times to women in general but mostly to wives and or mothers specifically.

For clarity’s sake, words that look like this are Mrs. Alan's words from her blog post.

Mrs. Alan,

First of all, I want to thank you. Thank you for the reminder to us women not to hide behind our God given roles of wife and mother. We often struggle to work out the balance of the many hats we wear and we often struggle to make the "First Things" the first things in these day-to-day decisions. Though I disagree with your assessment of what the real problem is, I appreciate your intention in aiding women in stepping out of their comfort zone and sharing the gospel. 

Also, thank you for giving such a clear voice to the often subtle philosophy invading many churches and missions agencies today. Your letter voiced with great clarity what is often simply an undertone in the missions world. This opinion is often something wives/mothers feel the rub of, but have a hard time putting their finger on as to why it's "not working." I do wish you would have chosen a more gracious, less antagonistic tone, but being a passionate, sassy gal myself, I can understand how easily that tone can happen when writing with a conversational style.

 Just for humility’s sake, I want to say that after my first read-through of your post, I did not handle my response with such  a calm demeanor (remember how sassy I am?). I may or may not have physically bitten my iPhone in mid sentence. I may or may not have woken every rooster in the neighborhood had they not already been keeping me up at some ungodly hour, and ungodly I was, for I responded largely with personal offense. For that I owe you an apology. I ask your forgiveness for my initially defensive feelings. Thankfully, I have both a gracious husband and a gracious God who will talk me off the cliff and give me the space to repent. With that being said, I ask for the opportunity to keep the dialogue going on this topic, for I consider it one of the more important "missions conversations" that believers should be having.

I respect your lengthy and diverse experiences and have no doubt that you stand with greater experience than I to speak to the issue. But alas, I would prefer we look at the Bible for our stance on a wife/mother's role on the mission field than to look primarily, or ultimately, at our own experiences.

In your post, you begin by referencing a major problem with your agency among wives/mothers. You write: 

The problem? The prevalence of families serving overseas who (in the organization’s words) “want to recreate a middle class American family existence overseas where the wife stays home and the husband does the ministry.” In short, they are finding that wives do not want to be held to the same expectations as their husband when it comes to learning language and sharing the Gospel. They want to have the freedom to stay at home to raise their children, be a housewife, and leave the “work” to their husbands.

WHAT?!

I got the sense that both you and the leaders of your agency were greatly dismayed at this "problem."

My first concern about this statement is that it assumes that a household where the wife spends the majority of her time caring for her  home while the husband does full-time ministry or works a traditional job outside of the household is an American ideal. As a culture, Americans are pretty much split down the middle, with close to 60% of mothers working full-time and 40% of mothers staying at home (abcnews.go.com "Working Moms:The data and the Politics"). With that said, it is hard to argue it as an American ideal. In fact, I will argue that the whole "idea" of a woman working within her home comes not from America but from the Bible.  

Titus 2:3-5 speaks to the actions of both younger and older women in the church,(underlined, added)...

3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.(NLT)

Where did this idea of a woman doing work in her home come from in the first place? 

Is it simply some American ideal from the 50's and "Leave it to Beaver?"

Is it JUST an excuse for those unwilling to do the gritty work of missions, sacrificing home and comfort  and a Target Starbucks? 

Or is it instead a way for a woman to "honor God" and "not bring shame on the word of God?"

The question that all women and all wives/mothers must ask themselves, especially in this conversation, with husbands in full-time ministry is, "What is my DISTINCTIVE role, as a woman/wife/mother in ministry?” In fact, as women, in all of the aspects of our lives, we have to constantly be sifting our actions through a biblical understanding of  God's intention and design for womanhood. This does not change because you put the word "international" behind the word "church planting" or "ministry”. Instead, I fear we are simply importing into the international world a broken model to those to whom we minister. The decision about when/how/what a woman will do outside her home vocationally or in any other field, I contend, is always a matter for a married couple to decide along with  the leadership of their local church. 

In fact, as you (referring again to Mrs. Alan, as a matter of clarity for the post  reader) point out, women, particularly within the agency to whom you refer, "...do not want to be held to the same expectation as their husband when it comes to learning language and sharing the Gospel." 

I think you are exactly right. 

They do not. 

And,rightly so. 

You also reference the great women who have gone before us who would essentially turn in their graves if they saw us all aproned up, changing diapers and  wiping snotty noses in the name of Jesus instead of taking it to the streets with all of the language we have acquired in our 20+ hours of language learning. Not your words exactly; though you did write: 

And think about the great mothers who have gone before us all…Ann Judson, Elisabeth Elliot, Maria Taylor, Betty Stam, just to name a few...were they sitting at home while their husbands did the work? Definitely not.

One of those great women/wives/mothers, Elisabeth Elliot, writes something in her book, Let Me Be a Woman, that I think gives a bit more clarity to the balance of work/home/ministry. It also speaks to what I believe many mission's agencies are doing with a wife/mother's role on the mission field. She says:

 “In every society there have been expectations which have been understood to apply to each sex. Of course these expectations may vary from time to time and from place to place, but the distinctiveness of maleness and femaleness has throughout history been constant. It is only in our society that there is an attempt to erase this distinctiveness, to encourage women to do what men do. Man’s work, no matter how boring, unpleasant, or difficult is generally regarded as of more value than women’s. “Equal opportunity” nearly always implies that women want to do what men do, not that men want to do what women do, which indicates that prestige is attached to men’s work but not to women’s. Women’s work, particularly the task assigned by Creation exclusively to women, that of bearing and nurturing children, is regarded not only as of lesser value but even degrading and “animal like.” This is a hideous distortion of the truth, and an attempt to judge women by the criteria of men, to force then into an alien mold, to rob them of the very gifts that make them what they were meant to be. To subject femininity to the criteria of masculinity is as foolish as it would be to judge meat by the standards of potatoes. Meat would fail every test. For women to assume an ersatz masculinity means that they will always lose.”

The question has to be asked, “Why aren’t we using creativity to create a role for the wife/mother on the mission field that honors God’s design for her instead of simply expecting that she and her husband would deliver the exact same product in ministry or be “held to the same expectations.” Also, we do God’s design a great injustice by creating a job position for woman by simply reproducing the job position of a man. I fear that when this is done, in the words of  Elisabeth Elliot, “women will always lose”.

And, ultimately, so will the Gospel message.

As Titus 2:5 reminds us, when we women do not prioritize the ministry within our home (which will look different for all women but will always require "work at home") it is not just our "position" as an employee of a para-church organization that is at risk. It is the weightier issues, some that you even articulate:

“I want to model for my children what I hope to see them do: make disciples. That is not “Dad’s job,” it’s who we are as a family.” 

Agreed. 

But isn't it entirely likely that women all over the world are laying the discipleship of their own children at the altar of "missions" and "unreached people groups" simply because they cannot "do it all", and for years, it's been implied that this is the godly sacrifice one must make for the sake of the lost, all the while their own lost children are being neglected for the sake of language study and "ministry”?

In a number of different places in your post, you write of women using the work in their home as an excuse.

In one place you wrote:

"Although I still have a child at home, who is homeschooled, I don’t use that as an excuse not to join my husband in the work God has called us to do."

And in another:

"If you make excuses about being too busy or tired with the kids to learn, then you are taking money for a job you were hired to do that you aren’t doing."

A dear friend, who has been on the field for eight years with an agency with similar philosophies and practices as you mention in your post, wrote to me:

"I would argue that we NEVER have to make “excuses” to be with our children, because they are our God given first priority.  I would much rather excuse my lesser ability to be involved in outside ministry in order to disciple my children than excuse my lack of involvement with my children in order to be involved in outside ministry. While the Bible alone is enough to support this, there are tons of resources out there on how abandoned missionary kids have felt over the years when parents put the work over them, whether by sending them to boarding school, or just being emotionally absent from their home life, overworking, etc."

This is a humbling, sobering reality that we should take very seriously.

You write:

...Are you going overseas willing to do whatever God asks you to do so that unreached, unengaged people groups can hear the Gospel? ...So learn the language and culture and share the Gospel because ministry is not “your husband’s job.”

 It's not ONLY your husband’s job but also each of your job descriptions  that  should look different.

You also point out:

“No one financially gives so you can transplant your American life overseas, brag about being “bilingual” to your friends back home, and post exotic photos on your blog.”

True.

But I am assuming that you wrote this to imply that all of those missionary/mothers who are not spending as much time on language acquisition or in "vocational ministry" as their husbands are doing so because they are busy on Instagram and Facebook. I dare say this is quite an assumption. Don't you think it's more likely that the mothers who want to be held to a different standard than their husbands can simply do math better than most.  They know that they simply do not have the same amount of time and resources as their spouse, and yet are being expected to produce the same product.

I do also want to speak to the inconsistencies in regards to recreating "American life" overseas. I think we must be honest about some inconsistencies in agencies that demand that a mother not work at home full-time for it is too "American" yet spends countless dollars on expensive regional conferences, boarding school for the kids, and upper middle class lifestyles that are often disproportionate to those to whom they are seeking to minister. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these things; they simple tend to be American/Western luxuries, much more so than simply being a stay at home mom.

Are we willing to be brave enough, as a church, to be obedient to God's Word and trust Him with the seemingly lesser productivity of wife and mother? Can the Savior of the world manage reaching the nations while I breastfeed for the hundredth time and pray over my child and spend countless hours instructing young boys? Shoot, If I could have all that time back, I could have learned 10 languages by now. But I haven't and I wouldn't trade that time with my children for any amount of linguistic success. I do affirm the responsibility that one has to learn the language of the place they minister in. It is necessary. But, I contend, it cannot ever be the primary focus for a wife/mother for she already has a job that fills much of that time. And while it's helpful for an agency to hire a stranger who doesn't speak the children's language and who the children are not familiar with to keep them while a mother studies, it only goes to prove my point all the more. The ministry of wife and mother is not a simple job of mindless tasks that just anyone can do. It is a discipleship opportunity built entirely on relationship at any age. So regardless of the amount of hired help, wives/mothers must be expected to learn language at a slower pace than their husbands. In other words, they must be held to different expectations. 

Carolyn Mahaney reminds us in her book, Feminine Appeal, what real ministry looks like, and I argue this is not a "stateside" truth but a biblical one...for any country...and any job position:

“The challenge of ministry in our home is that we do not always feel very “spiritual” when we wash our dishes. It hardly feels significant to scrub our toilet and we can feel that we are truly ministering when the Lord uses us to communicate a word of wisdom to someone, or He provides an opportunity to share the gospel with our neighbor. That seems like real ministry. And that is real ministry to be sure! But no more so than when we are wiping runny noses or cleaning the bathroom. That is because we have a very narrow view of true spirituality... The Lord wants to help us see the significance of ministry at home. He also wants to expand our vision for the multiple opportunities that we have for ministry in the home. Let’s ask the LORD to help us gain a biblical perspective of our ministry at home.”

Why does this truth change when you decide God is calling you to share the gospel in the context of another country?

Isn't it true that what a wife/mother does WITHIN the four walls of her home is much, much more than “busy work” that keeps her from doing “real ministry?” 

Is it possible that when we strip her of the "freedom to stay at home to raise their children, be a housewife, and leave the “work” to their husbands," we strip something away from God's design to display the Gospel in the home and through the woman?

Did God not do more than simply provide man and woman with tasks to keep each busy in their own little worlds? 

Isn’t it likely that these “cups of cold water to the least of these”(Matt 10:42) are done SO THAT "we would not bring shame on the word of God." (Titus 2:5)

What we MUST keep in our perspective is that God never intended the service of a woman to her family to be a hindrance to the Great Commission, but instead it is intended to further the Great Commission. 

Do we really believe this? Or do we affirm that mission work now a career opportunity for the working woman, in the name of God?

Have we considered the possibility that in our fervor for reaching the lost, we have begun to see the family's role in spreading the gospel as a simple business opportunity? 

Are agencies and leaders simply considering a family as a package deal, wherein you can get 2 full-time employees with 1 paycheck and 1 W-2 but equal expectations on 2 adults? 

...Instead of employing a MAN and A WOMAN, both uniquely designed by God for different roles within ministry and the family. 

Mrs. Alan, an agency like the one you worked for may be a great fit for some, but please do not think it is the only way to be a missionary or even the best way to be a missionary. We must admit that we all have a long way to go when it comes to developing best practices in regards to international missions. Which is, of course, why I consider this discussion such an important one to have.

On that note, my last point is a warning written to those considering going to work for a mission agency that will fully fund you but require some things that are inconsistent with a biblical view of men and women's roles.

I fear that many couples are not getting the "whole scoop" going into their job positions and that Mrs. Alan's viewpoint is one that is not often articulated by agency leaders until it is way too late. We are then surprised when moms are dropping like flies, and families are coming home much earlier than intended, completely defeated and feeling as though they have had to trade in the opportunity to share the gospel vocationally because mom "couldn't hack it." 

As Mrs. Alan writes: 

“One thing was the same no matter where I worked: employees don’t get to pick and choose what part of their job they will do. They call those people, ‘former employees.’” 

As I have spoken to many women within agencies like this, the resounding message I hear is that the job expectations of the wives/mothers are not clearly laid out before arrival in-country.

I have interacted with many women, some of whom have come home early for this very reason; some of whom are still on the field but really struggling, and some of whom never went for fear of this problem. By far, almost all of them have said that no one was clear with them about these expectations until it was virtually too late. In reality, they were hired for one job, then expected to do an entirely different one. They were then subsequently threatened with the loss of their job, if expectations went unmet.

This is unacceptable.

Period.

And seems dishonest.

So, as a word of caution to families considering going with mission agencies overseas to do mission work, beware. Ask many questions, specific questions. Then, get in touch with multiple families on the field who are living it out and confirm with them.

Interview agencies as diligently as they interview you.

This problem is, quite honestly, bigger than this post can hold. But for now, let it just be said. All the information about a wife/mother’s role within these agencies is not being honestly and openly communicated during the interview process.

I can fully attest to the challenges that raising your own financial support and going overseas without an agency brings. I currently sit as a "missionary" at a makeshift desk on a humid night in the Dominican Republic, with the smell of burning trash and sugar cane in my nostrils only about 30% funded. There are many unknowns. But I would not trade it in any day. For with it, we as a family have gained the freedom to primarily submit to our God, His word, and the local church. We have gained the freedom to minister to Haitian's in the Dominican Republic the way that we have decided will be fruitful through years of experience and relationships among the Haitians. I, as a wife and mother to four young children, do not feel a tension between my "work" as a missionary and my "work" as a mother. I am a better missionary for being a wife and mother and I am a better wife and mother for being a missionary. At the risk of sounding like a Mastercard commercial...

Raising our own support = really tough; explaining to people that we are "real missionaries" though we are sent by our church and not some major agency = at times, discouraging; the freedom for Noah and I and our local church to write my job description= priceless.

The question asked at agency meetings should not be, "What are these women doing wrong?" but, "What are we as a church doing wrong?”

This method to employ a couple for one paycheck is not working. We need to be willing to accept feedback from these families and be willing to build some margin into job positions so that there is a welcome place for families (God's idea) and Wives/mothers (also God's idea) on the mission field (God’s idea).

Please, Mrs. Alan,

church, 

agencies,

Let's keep talking about this. It's time to stop pretending that we're all on the same page. We're not. And that's ok. But let's keep talking.

Openly .Honestly . Biblically .Humbly . Graciously. 

- Stephanie

This blog post was  graciously edited by a close friend, Rachel Mount, who is much smarter than me and can be found at www.rachelinraleigh.com 

Thanx Rach!