BIg WEEK!

Shep devoured popsicles,pre-throwing up. You can see his sticks he collected. The bottom left picture is his trach site bandaged up, but without a trach. And, of course, his trains.

This has been a very special week for our family.

One I don't want to pass by easily.

We're terribly busy. Too busy.

And asking God for wisdom, for ways to not end up here so often.

But especially in the busyness, I feel the need to not let the experience move past me so quickly,

without leaving a "marker."

Something that flags this week, these moments as works of God's hands.

As grace poured out on a boy, and on a family.

First there was March 26th.

It came with self controlled expectation, refusing to put too much hope in what is unknown.

And it left us in a moment we had been eagerly awaiting for 3 years.

That's so long.

And so short.

All at once.

That night, after his decanulation, Shepherd got really sick.

We're guessing it was from one of the processes done during his bronchoscopy.

He started vomiting and developed a high fever and a rash from head to toe.

He just kept saying, "momma,momma,momma."

He was really almost delirious at that point.

In his endless rant of my name, even in that, things were new.

He's a little boy who's never fallen asleep to the sound of his own voice soothing himself, hoarse as it still may be.

His fever finally broke and he slept through the night at the hospital, snuggled between Noah and I on a pullout couch/bed.

This too, has always been impossible.

He's always had to sleep attached to a mist humidifying collar, and they never reach far.

This meant the parent doing the cuddling would be confined to the hospital bed with him, or at home, to his bed with him.

That night, even with an IV and a pulse ox, we stretched it far and long for the luxury of his warmth between us.

And the staff was kind enough to simply leave us alone for the night, which is soooo kind.

No vitals,meds,nothing.

He saturated fine through the night and remarkably just kept breathing on his own, without a trach.

It's all kind of mind boggling to me, to watch him breath in and out,steady and easy and comfortable, and on his own.

He hasn't done that in his entire life, save the 2 days before his heart surgery, day 1 and 2 of his life.

After that it was all struggle, until the trach at 2 weeks.

They felt good enough about things to discharge us by noon that day.

He still wasn't himself.

It's taken him awhile to perk back up after everything but I think he's finding his feet.

To be honest, I think he has a lot of physical healing to do.

But we also think that he has a lot going on emotionally that we don't fully grasp.

He's just not himself quite yet.

The best word I can seem to find for him right now is "insecure."

It's as if so much has changed and he's simply unsure, unsteady, unconfident about how he feels about it all.

He just needs time.

This is all part of God's shaping hand in his beautiful life.

Time in God's hands will do much for him.

I feel that this picture really captures how Shepherd is feeling in this transitional season.

************************

Then there was March 28th.

It's his 3rd birthday.

He was due April 16th. I was going to have a Spring baby,

and get to take long,evening, family walks during those fussy newborn evenings.

But they realized at 37 weeks that this little guy needed to come into the world NOW, so they induced me.

And instead of Spring walks, we were swallowed up by the hospital for 2 months and spit back out in the blistering heat of June.

But I didn't care.

It could of been the cold of January.

He came home.

Shep was still pretty tired from his surgery but we felt the need to celebrate both his birthday and the new found freedom of travel without a bunch of equipment so we planned a day out for his birthday.

His dear sweet L and her husband got him this power wheel "Cars" 4 wheeler before we left for the day. Need I point out what a hit this bday gift was. So I asked him to smile for me...and I got the picture on the right. It's a deliberate rolling of the eyes. Who needs daughters when you have boys like this?

Then it was off to Kankis. This is Haddon's favorite place to eat and we owed him a bday meal here, so, feeling very celebratory anyhow,we headed in to see them blow up our food in front of our very eyes. 2 birthday meals with one visit. We are so efficient.

After lunch,we decided to head over to Pullen Park, which was recently renovated.

It rocked our world. I was VERY impressed.

Oh, and the kids liked it too.

We got to ride a Carousel.

Which was magical.

And the kids liked it too.

At Pullen Park, we rode the kiddie boats.

I was too big.

Dangit!

But the kids liked it.

Then the train.

The wind blowing through my hair on a perfect Spring afternoon.

The kids didn't mind it either.

And they even have a huge playground with child sized diggers.

Although Shep wasn't quite up to the task, super gramma stepped in an before we knew it there was no more sand in the entire playground.

After that, we took the older boys with Noah and I on a paddle boat.

Dreamy.

And Haddon found an inch worm.

And later, we found frozen yogurt.

To finish the day off, I made Shepherd his favorite meal, THIS macaroni and cheese recipe.

Which is soooo not Paleo, btw. (and to fix a funny typo, apparently a few posts back, when referring to our dietary changes, I said we were doing no fat but meant to say "LOTS of fat"...kinda funny, I thought. Just in case you were confused)

It's no grains, but LOTS of protein and fat. SO mac'n'cheese isn't remotely involved.

But it's my baby's birthday so I made a sacrifice and downed an entire crockpot of it.

I'm such a good mother.

To finish off the week, we celebrated on April 1st.

It was on this day, when he was 4 days old, that I rubbed his tiny,fuzzy, strawberry blond head and prayed for him and said good bye and let them roll him away for heart surgery.

Our pastors, our friends, and our family huddled around us for those hours that we waited,

and we prayed.

I had to sit in silence and journal my prayers.

I even journaled their prayers.

It was my way of keeping my eyes on Jesus, instead of wondering what was happening in those monumental moments that the clock ticked away.

Then they came out to tell us that it had all gone great and we could breath a sigh of relief.

But it would be the first of many heavy sighs, few of which carried relief in the coming months, as his recovery went so terribly.

So many moments packed into those months and then the transition to a new way of life with nurses and trachs and equipment in our home, in our life, building memories.

And now we get ready to say good bye to this season and into the next.

And through it all, may we take no gift from God for granted, no matter if it looks like disappointment, or fulfilled expectations.

He is good.

He is faithful.

I can say, like the Israelites in those 40 years in the wilderness...

That God kept our "feet from swelling and our sandlas from wearing out."

May we never forget who keeps us through all seasons and all journeys...

Deuteronomy 8

“The whole commandment that I command you today ^(A)you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land that the Lord swore to give to your fathers. ² And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you^(B)these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, ^(C)testing you ^(D)to know what was in your heart, ^(E)whether you would keep his commandments or not. ³ And he humbled you and ^(F)let you hunger and ^(G)fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that ^(H)man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word^[a] that comes from the mouth of the Lord. ^{4 (I)}Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years. ⁵ Know then in your heart that, ^(J)as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you. ⁶ So you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God by walking in his ways and by fearing him. ⁷ For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, ^(K)a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing out in the valleys and hills, ⁸ a land of wheat and barley, ^(L)of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive trees and honey, ⁹ a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing, a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. ¹⁰ And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.

¹¹ “Take care lest you forget the Lord your God by not keeping his commandments and his rules and his statutes, which I command you today, ^{12 (M)}lest, when you have eaten and are full and have built good houses and live in them, ¹³ and when your herds and flocks multiply and your silver and gold is multiplied and all that you have is multiplied, ^{14 (N)}then your heart be lifted up, and you ^(O)forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, ¹⁵ who ^(P)led you through the great and terrifying wilderness, ^(Q)with its fiery serpents and scorpions ^(R)and thirsty ground where there was no water, ^(S)who brought you water out of the flinty rock, ¹⁶ who fed you in the wilderness with ^(T)manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, ^(U)to do you good in the end. ¹⁷ Beware ^(V)lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ ¹⁸ You shall remember the Lord your God, for ^(W)it is he who gives you power to get wealth, ^(X)that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day. ¹⁹ And if you forget the Lord your God and go after other gods and serve them and worship them, ^(Y)I solemnly warn you today that you shall surely perish. ²⁰ Like the nations that the Lord makes to perish before you, ^(Z)so shall you perish, because you would not obey the voice of the Lord your God.

Yowzas!

I don't have the time or typing abilities to catch up on all that I have left out of blogging for the past,oh,

too many,

months.

But I do have pictures,

snapshots,

of life.

Just so this season of life doesn't disappear into a black hole.

Cause we all know...

If it isn't blogged about or facebooked...

IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

And I am not crazy.

THIS stuff happened.

For instance, some of you may be very worried.

You've been thinking that my sister is still pregant.

That makes her like 14 months pregnant.

And, though she is really remarkable, and does lots of things that other women can't seem to accomplish,

staying pregnant for 14 months isn't one of them...

THANK GOD.

In late October, she gave birth to the beautiful Shalom Shea Martin.

They didn't tell me until after she was born that she would share my middle name.

And without making an entire post about this treasured bundle,

I have to say that being a part of her birth was single handedly one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

I was my sister's foula.

That's a faux- doula.

Or fake-doula.

Depending on how fancy you are.

Regardless,

Since my sister is literally like a part of my physical being in the weird way twins are,

it just made perfect sense to be loving her,encouraging her and rooting her on in the journey of natural childbirth.

I just can't quite explain it.

Here is this beautiful women giving birth to this beautiful little girl,

and I am remembering falling asleep next to my sister when we were kids.

I remember watching her sleep at night, with her pouty lips and her button nose, and thinking, "I love her so much. Sure wish we hadn't fought so much today. She really is quite cute...But man she can be mean when she's awake, But she's sooooo perfect like an angel while she sleeps...I'll try harder tomorrow"

I really adore her in a way words can't always find.

And holding her hand, reminding her of the strength God would give her to accomplish this impossible task,encouraging her...it's what I do...She's my sissy.

I've always felt like that was my job in her life.

Care for her,protect her, lead her (she is 15 months younger than me and needs my mature guidance at times;) serve her, make things as easy as I can for her...

And she's continued to let me do this job, wether I'm any good at it or not.

Thank you,sissy.

Before Summer ended, we made sure to enjoy our cousins and play in creeks...

We even brought our dog, Auggie.

Turns out.

I LOVE our dog.

The first 6-9 months 'bout made me crazy. But the key was a mix of her getting older and us figuring her out. Getting her an electric fence changed our lives, along with finding a bone she would actually chew instead of our socks.

Now....I'm in loooooooove.

Before summer was up, we spent a weekend building an outdoor fire pit. I was happy with the outcome, considering it was made entirely by hand and with rocks that already resided in our yard.

Then on into Fall

and the beginning of school!!

1st grade and Kindergarten this year.

So far so good:)

I have continued to love Sonlight over the past couple of years.

We continue to have to work HARD to keep on a schedule, but such is life.

It turned out that there was a Mudcat's (what, you don't know who the mudcats are?) game the first day of school, which worked out perfectly for giving it that special "first day of school" feel.

We also made it a point to celebrate Fall with a trip to the pumpkin patch. It just never gets old to me. Especially when my amazing parents join in the fun. This day, they actually surprised the boys by driving all the way out the the patch to play with them on a whim. They're whimmy people.

But wouldn't you be for cuteness like this, too?

And that's Shep's favorite day-nurse peeking her hand in there to help him not crush his foot with his gigantic pumpkin of choice.

We adore her.

Shep is doing really well. No major illness since the mastoid infection/hospitalization in the Fall.

Just got word from the Cardiologist that everything looks so good in his heart that they don't want to see us for another year. When we first came home, it was every 2 weeks. He's come a long way in three years.

Right now, we anticipate his next bronch with hopeful decanulation, in the end of March, 2 days before his 3rd birthday. There's no gaurantee but everyone's pretty hopeful.

Time will tell.

We also had the chance to take the boys to a horse riding lesson and see how they liked it.

Haddon, our shy,cautious one,

dove in like his middle name is John Wayne.

It was pretty remarkable to watch. He was really in his element. So I'm gong to have to sell a kidney so that he can ride horses.

It's ok.

He's worth it.

Speaking of people in their element, my dad went with us.

He grew up around horses on the family ranch and apparently they still really have a thing going.

Then, Thanksgiving.

Ahhhh, I loooove Thanksgiving.

Funny story,though.

At random, I was doing some research and became really excited about converting to a more Paleo diet for our family.

We've been on it for about 2 months and we're sold, but we decided to start it 2 days before Thanksgiving.

Right.

Yet it worked out. We were feeling so good and satisfied with out fats that we didn't really feel the need to dive back in to the carbs and sugars...

so we did a Paleo Thanksgiving.

Wasn't much of a sacrifice.

Next post...

Christmas and a trip to Alaska for the whole family!!!

A year ago...

With our new school year starting on Monday,

and Fall getting revved up,

I can't help but recall,

what things looked like a year ago...

and how quickly they grow...

Into young men.

So here's to another year of growth,

by God's grace.

And to looking a little more like

what He made us for.

Wrapping it up

As July comes around, we will be spending the rest of this month wrapping up the first-ever-Joyner-homeschool-year.

Aslan's Kindergarten year, that is.

That will give us a month's break in August and then in September, we will start back up with Aslan's 1st grade year and Haddon will begin Kindergarten.

With that said, I wanted to spend a little time reflecting on what school has looked like this year.

and side note: No one takes pictures of the hours spent battling a single math page and a lazy heart...on both sides.

No one takes pictures of the many days we didn't do any school.

Because A) There would be too many to take pictures of and

B)who wants to see that on film?!

So here are some of our better moments of the school year...

As I shared HERE , we began our year with a trip to the beach. We did some tours in the city, and some visits to the beach, museums, and aquariums, but most importantly, we just tried to make a big deal out of school starting.

So the year of "homeschooling" began.

I say it like that because I have to be honest, We're not a fan of the term.

"Homeschool" seems to imply that the goal is to keep my children at home.

Though I like having my kids at home...most of the time.

It's not.

In fact if I were honest, I think about the magic I felt when I began school.

Oh, yes, the public kind.

And I wish my kids could experience that.

You know the excitement over shopping for your new clothes for school. Getting to go all the way to the metropolis of Anchorage, Alaska to shop, instead of the Cottonwood Creek Mall in hopes that every other girl wouldn't have the exact same outfit.

Ok, so if you didn't grow up in Alaska, or you weren't in love with fashion from a young age, this is all becoming very confusing.

But there's also that sense of wonder and strength gained from new, independent experiences.

New friends, new relationships, and hopefully much learning.

I truly hope to reproduce many of these things in our learning as a family,

and I look forward to having more quality experiences and relationships inside and outside of our home, because of our education choices.

But our main priority doesn't revolve around keeping our children at home.

Instead, we chose this form of education at this time, for the sake of providing our children with more diverse learning experiences.

Our hope is that through whatever form of education we choose, which may change through different seasons and different children, our children's world will get bigger not smaller.

World getting bigger, God getting bigger.

That's the plan.

And so we started school in the Fall...

We didn't get far into our school year before I had the opportunity to take my first trip to Haiti.

And to be honest, from that point on, it seems our family was flung into spiraling tornado of movement revolving around the work God has asked us to do in Haiti.

This has been beautiful, but quite distracting from the focused first year of school I had hoped to have.

Upon returning from this trip, not only did we begin the adoption process of 2 Haitian children with special medical needs, but also began to work on the development of HaitiLove.

It has been a whirlwind of activity around here for oh, say about 9 months. You know a school year or so.

But when life wasn't totally consumed with these things, and even often when it was, we learned together...

Studting rocks,

that are candy,

known as "rock candy"

Studying rocks,

by collecting them,

in the yard, not a beautiful nature walk,

cause that was too much work.

Even if this does mean that some of the "rocks" may have been part of an old foundation of a shed in the yard of our 1940's built house.

We did school outside on a blanket

Inside on a rug

We made wind socks with cousins

We read lots of great books

like,

"The Apple and the arrow"

in which the story climaxes at a scene where a father is asked by a cruel ruler to prove his marksmanship by shooting an apple off of his young sons head with his cross bow.

Seeing as we happen to have one of these actual weapons just chillin in our children's closet...

for what purpose I am a little unsure about,

thought I think we got it at an auction for cheap.

Laugh.

But when we're livin' off the grid and need to kill our dinner, and there aren't any bullets or guns to be found...

we still won't know how to use it.

But we will look dangerous.

Anyway.

The only rational thing to do was to let the kids re enact the scene.

And even thought the bow was loaded, Aslan was very brave.

Just like the boy in the book.

He fully trusted his 3 year old brother's abilities as a marksman.

Ok, not quite.

But it was fun.

And when was the last time your kid came home to tell you that he almost got shot with a crossbow at school?

Who says "homeschool" is boring?!

And even though I like the outdoors in theory a bit more than in reality,

we did go on a few nature walks.

Cause what kind of mother who homeschools doesn't take her kids on nature walks?!

Almost this mom.

Except there were those couple I did take them on.

And took pictures of.

So I can pass for an actual homeschooler.

We explored barnacles, or fungus, or whatever those things are called.

Ok, so we focused more on the observation elements of learning that the informational.

You know, touch it,feel it, observe it, tell me what you see...

I even had the boys bring bags to collect "naturey" objects in.

This way we could collect leaves and make prints with them

or get pine cones to make bird feeders,

or let them sit in my car for a month before trashing them.

The only problem was...

it turns out any nature loving homeschool mom should know that

1. Plastic bags are not allowed on the trails. I guess bad things happen when nature and plastic interact. I guess I should have brought the reusable grocery bags that I never use for groceries. Cause I love plastic bags and if I don't get them at the grocery store, what am I supposed to use for my trash cans?

What, buy small trash bags?!

no.

The only other problem was that

2. Even if I had looked like an earth-conscious mom by bringing my green- colored- bag -with leaf- prints- making -a -heart- design -around- the- earth- on it,

I still would have failed, because,

turns out...

The park would rather you didn't take any of earth's possessions from it's premises. Stealing from Mother earth is frowned upon at our local nature parks...

turns out.

So we just tried to be subtle about it

Cause we love our beautiful state

and it's generous parks and recreation department

That's why we studied this map of our states different regions...

And took pictures of striking butterflies.

But before we left the park, we thought we'd head inside to the educational displays inside.

Because I am technically a teacher folks, puhlease.

Of more than just the many uses of the plastic bag.

Turns out the display was right up my alley.

There was even a life sized man, made up solely of man made products that hurt our environment.

There were a lot of plastic bags making up his members.

I just tried to stuff our plastic bags further into my North Face back pack, and find comfort in the fact I was wearing Chaco sandals and I grew up in Alaska.

Perhaps they would notice these things first.

But upon further observation, it became clear that even my worn chacos weren't gonna help me.

I was one of the worst kind of Earth-haters.

This dispaly below shows a description posted at one of our local nature parks.

It describes a BIG problem we people and our earth have.

And it's not just plastic bottles, recycling, and turning off lights.

Oh no, it's worse that that.

Much worse.

Read on.

UNCONTROLLED POPULATION GROWTH!

PEOPLE HAVING BABIES WITHOUT THE SLIGHTEST THOUGHT OF HOW THIS AFFECTS POOR MOTHER EARTH. NO ONE EVER ASKED HER WHAT SHE THOUGHT BEFORE GETTIN KNOCKED UP!! NO MAM!!

THE NERVE!

YOU UNGRATEFUL CARNIVORES!

And in case you're wondering if you are part of the problem or the solution, you can take a test.

Just press a button next to the items listed below to see how "sustainable" your life is.

Are you part of the popultation living recklessly with no thought to future generations? Essentially killing off your future grandkids?

Let's find out.

hmmmm. Let's see,

I carpool whenever I can, thumbs up.

I like meat, I'm guessing not so good.

Don't work in an office building!!

Cause I'm a stay at.. home.....mom.....uh-oh

Have four children.

pause.

Well, I only have three, so maybe that icy stare coming from behind the desk isn't for me?

Unless.

Unless somehow she knows!

Maybe there is something about me that screams, "I want more children!!!" or perhaps someone told her that we were tryin to adopt two more children and that we drive a Suburban!!!!

I'm freaking out.

Just calm down, Stephanie.

Maybe it's not that big of a deal.

I mean you're just here to have a little FAMILY fun at the park.

They make their living off of families.

Surely....

I hit the button...

LESS SUSTAINABLE!!!

wahhhhhh!!! My life doesn't sustain the earth!!!

We gotta get out of here kids before they catch us and start passing out condoms!!!!

Let's go!!!!

So yeah, we studied lot's of stuff.

Nature, sociology, the environment.

We so got this thing.

And boy isn't the less sustainable life a blessed one.

We also studied local marine life.

And went to Fort Macon, an old military fort on the coast of NC.

While there, we explored tunnels

And dungeons

and long stairways going down into cold, wet, spider infested holes.

And we almost always bring baby Shep-Shep along on our educational adventures.

But of course we always take into account his fragile medical state, having a trach and all.

It's of the utmost importance that he not be put into compromising situations.

But what can I say? This is just the kind of parents we are.

Safety is of the utmost importance.

Utmost.

I mean were homeschoolers,folks.

Yeah, those are knives.

At the museum.

And on that note.

For those of you who say that homeschoolers are too sheltered.

Try explaining the name of this fish at the aquarium.

I did not make this up.

But whoever did.

Has a lot of explaining to do.

Really?!?!

No one sitting around the Aquarium society of whatever that names fishes saw a problem with this?

I can only be grateful that I wasn't taking 35 junior higher's on this field trip.

Yup, when you're homeschooling,

you encounter all kinds of indecency.