10 AM tomorrow...

I'm gonna try to keep this short and sweet.

hardy har har.

I know.

But I've got a big day tomorrow and I am just hoping that my new niece wants to stay in warm,beautiful, momma belly through the night.

Any time after noon tomorrow should work just fine little lady.

But if not,I may have very little sleep and a timing issue on my hands.

But why am I complaining?

It's not like I have to push a baby out into the world.

But this marvelous woman will very,very soon.

And I have to admit I have kind of hated the timing of all of this.

I wish my gorgeous sister didn't have to share the arrival of her daughter with the hospitalization of her nephew.

She has been so gracious, loving on me and my boys while she is due any day.

She is beautiful, in so many ways.

If I were Queen of the world and could plan these things, I would say, I am SO SORRY,sis.

But I know that you know that,

I am not.

And we shall trust God's timing on this thing together, shall we?

Anyway.

There have been a number of times since arriving at the Emergency room on Saturday that we have wondered why exactly we were still being kept at the hospital.

But this morning I got word that we were going home!

So I wearily but hopefully drove into Chapel Hill to bring my family home.

Noah and I had switched off duties the day before(Noah in the hospital,me at home with the older boys)

I decided that what we needed was a picnic.

My poor albino child has not seen the light of these GORGEOUS Fall days!

(He's not really albino. I jokingly said that then thought..it is Shepherd)

He can't even leave his room and walk around.

He just has to play games with the blinds, pulling them up and down and watching the constructions crews down below.

So a picnic it was.

Soon after I arrived, one of the ENT doctors came by to inform us that he highly recommended we NOT go home but instead stay on and get tubes in Shep's ears tomorrow.

This whole tubes in ears thing has really thrown us.

It's the kid's first ear infection for heaven's sake.

But after a LOT of questions and much bullying on our part, we feel confident this is the best thing for Shep.

Though we went into the hospital because of Respiratory distress(that can now officially be blamed on the adno virus)

He has stayed on, because of that incident 2 weeks ago(where Shep lost his balance from an ear infection)

Apparently, even after sending us home last time, the airway team has continued to talk about their concern for Shepherd and his loss of balance and infection of the "mastoid."

I now know that the mastoid is a honeycomb shaped bone that is part of the skull and near the ear.

They were planning on calling us to check on him at home, but well, we came to them:)

And upon our arrival,it was confirmed that this "mastoid infection" still remained.

AND upon another 4 days of IV antibiotics this hospital trip,

it still remains!

SO

We can send him home and hope it goes away on it's own,risking things like the spreading of infection to the brain and loss of hearing...

Or he can get tubes put in tomorrow and it will drain the puss from his ears and also give us the option of directly putting antibiotic drops that are 10,000x stronger than oral antibiotics into his ears.

So we chose that option.

But I'll admit, not easily.

I HATE SURGERIES.

NOAH HATES SURGERIES.

NO MATTER HOW MINOR.

Our experience,especially with Shep, is that nothing is simple.

Nothing is cut and dry and he is always in the minority.

So,

true story?

I'm hating this.

And really quite afraid for tomorrow.

NO matter how minimal it may be.

Will you pray with us for tomorrow?

**Shepherd has this virus which is causing him lots of coughing.

This will put him at greater risk during the anesthesia process for having bronchiospasms.

Please pray for protection from this.

**Please pray that we will have peace during the surgery. We've waited through too many surgeries with Shepherd, not knowing if we would have him on the other side. That even small surgeries take us to uncomfortable places.

***Please pray there will not be any complications.period.

If this doesn't work to clear this problem up, there are other, less pleasing options ahead.

He's on the books for 10am tomorrow. It should take 10-15 minutes once he's under anesthesia. We will then stay overnight and prayerfully go home by Thursday.

Sigh.

We're stinkin' tired.

I'm not gonna lie.

I'm ready to push the "easy" button.

But I am also very grateful for the care and protection of God through the hands of skilled doctors and an all too familiar hospital.

And my little guy?

He's downright amazing.

He has endured so much pain and pokes and prods and intermuscular injections....I lost you,didn't I?

The point is he has the most remarkable personality and

basically just rocks our world, along with his courageous brothers,

who bear being away from mommy and daddy and just keep giving,just keep loving,keep laughing...I can't believe I get these people as friends, as children.

So, when I went up to the hospital today,

I brought Shepherd up some necessities.

Things like suction catheters,underwear, pajamas, and dragon suits.

Just the basics.

You know.

Must haves.

Don't you agree?

Completely necessary.

Oh, and if you've never seen a mute child roar like a dragon,

you've not lived.

Thank you for praying with us...

I am going to bed and maybe I'll sleep through the night.

Maybe I will spend the night coaching my sister through the birthing process.

Always an adventure...

Please Pray

Let's all laugh because I am technically in labor and blogging. This will be quick. Please just pray. We unexpectedly were sent to the hospital after our appointment to check the baby's growth. The baby's growth had significantly declined so we were sent to the hospital to have a baby and here we are. Please pray for our little one and for the labor! Thanks!!!!! We'll let ya know!

Update

So far, everything has looked great in testing. Friday, we have another growth check. If, at this point the baby had plummeted in size, they would deliver the baby, but they really don't expect that. One doctor even thought that we should expect that the baby has jumped in size! I know I continue to jump in size, so hey, why not? Contrary to popular belief, small baby does not make for small mommy. But I'm lovin' it. I know there will be a day when I will have complete control over the size of my body and I will cherish the memories of carrying my sweet little ones an all the ways my body changed to care for them. 

And just as a side note, ( I really wasn't planning on spending this much time on my weight) ever since we moved into this apartment last year, we haven't had a full length mirror- and I must say- I'll never go back.  Now, I am as fashion savvy as the next gal, and as vain mind you. But I STILL love the ways not having a full length mirror has affected me. I am way less distracted/ concerned about my appearances/ flaws cause I can't see em. that is unless they are from the neck up. So my eyebrows are plucked but my shoes don't match. No, seriously, I dare any of you ladies to take yours down for a substantial amount of time and just see. It's a beautiful thing. I may be wearing a not-as-flattering shirt, but I don't know it so I don't care. Very freeing.

Anyways. Back to my precious child. So far, so good. We should be meeting this anonymous little one in about 2 weeks. So please pray for us. This is a prayer list I typed up to give to our small group. Please pray these things with us.

.....................        ........................        ........................      .....................       .......................       ....................

“The Lord replied, “my Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Then Moses said to him, “If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?

And the Lord said to Moses, “ I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”

- Ex 33:13-17

We are asking you to pray specifically with us for our new little one. We are confident that God’s will shall be done and that He is supremely sovereign. We are humbly aware that he has not promised us all of these things specifically. But as a way to battle anxiety and as a clear way to acknowledge that He is the only who can truly accomplish ANY of these things, we lay our concerns at his feet and trust the outcome to Him.

- Please pray that God will use our baby to glorify his name, even while in the womb.

- That we will testify of God’s goodness before medical personnel we interact with

- When medical decisions arise, pray that we will have unique wisdom and discernment as the parents of this child and because we know the one who made them

- Pray for the will to fight fear and anxiety when opportunities arise

- Pray for discipline on our parts during this busy season, so that we will be in the word consistently and giving God the opportunity to renew our minds and refresh our hearts

- Pray that in our attempts to prepare, we will not fall into the illusion that we are in control

- Please pray that Stephanie will go into labor on her own on or before her 39 week induction date- it would be safer for mother and baby to go through a natural labor then an induction

-Pray for the strength to achieve a natural labor without narcotics this is also much safer in general- but specifically for our situation

- Please pray against having a c-section

- Pray that God would provide a supportive staff and the doctor of his choice for the labor & delivery

- Pray that the labor & delivery would truly be a time of worship for all involved

- Please pray for a lack of fear and anxiety associated with the labor & delivery in specific. Pray that God’s peace and nearness will be the rock on which we set our experience

- Pray for no future problem’s with the baby’s kidneys and/or complete healing in regards to the pelvic kidney

Here are some fun pics of the family just being the Joyner's. They are going to be some of the last ones with only 2 kiddos!

This just cracks me up.. pretty quirky... I don't know what this says about his home life

This boy loves his daddy

The boys are dressed up like cowboys for Haddon's 2yr dinner at my mom's house (not like they need an ecxuse to dress up like cowboys. THAT is a daily affair)

So what's next folks? another little cowboy or shall we be adding some pink to the household? Take a vote

And again, thanks for praying with us for our new little one!! We'll keep you in touch!

Our most recent gift

Well,  our Lord gives many good gifts. In fact that is ALL he gives... GOOD gifts. Sometimes it is easy to see them as such, sometimes it is not. But recently we have been given one that is easy to accept as good.... a new baby!! Yes, a very new baby. I am only about 7 weeks pregnant, I am guessing. Aslan told me there was a baby in my tummy before I knew there was. And he got to be there when we found out, which was so much fun. I am really looking forward to sharing this with him in ways he couldn't because of his age when we had Haddon. In Aslan's opinion, it is a girl most of the time and occasionally twins (one boy and one girl). When asked what we should name these twins, he responed,  "Aslan" and "haddon." How original. 

And let me just head off the very popular jokes that come with our pregnancies. No, we will not be naming our child Tumnus, or lucy, or Peter, or the White witch. It was a one time thing, not a fetish.

We would covet your prayers for us.  I would especially appreciate prayer for my fears. Ironically, I am struggling more with fears with this pregnancy than I ever have before.  Throughout the past few months in particular, God has been bringing my fears to the surface and mercifully helping me to face them in the light of the truth. This baby just affords another opportunity. Boy, does it. I find myself in a state of dread and anxiety about the future of our baby and the pregnancy. God has brought to my awareness many who have experienced grief and loss  associated with their little ones. This is much of what I have struggled with over the past months, but now anew with a pregnancy. With each new child, your heart opens to love in ways fresh and new. And with each time you open your heart, your heart is vulnerable to be shattered into a million pieces. Thus, THE FEAR. But each time we open our hearts, I pray, we open our hearts first to our creator. Both my creator and the creator of the little one I carry. I pray I open up my heart, my hopes, my fears, my anxieties and lay them bare before him, in trust. As I have mentioned before, this is the only real safe place, anyway. Any other method of rationalization or reasoning will only lead me in an endless downward, failing spiral of self- salvation. 

The best may happen. The worst may happen. My peace cannot rest on anything but the Hope that is in Christ. 

This is a passage I have been memorizing to battle my fears.

Psalm 34:1-5

"I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad.

Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together!

I sought the Lord and he answered me and delivered me fro mall my fears.

Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."

The Lyrics to "In Christ Alone" by the Gettys reminds me also...

 "No guilt in life, no fear in death- This is the power of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny."