This is a photo of our girl when she first arrived at the orphanage very sick.

Her scalp looks much worse now, but she has a head of beautiful hair covering it.

I just heard from my sis-in-law and she wanted to know if I was ok with cutting it off.

She's right.

We need to treat it ALL and not have all the hair in the way. This is serious.

But,

boooohoooooo.

I know it's just hair.

Beautiful hair on a beautiful girl.

And I want her completely well.

Still.

Boohooo.

Here's to praying it's not done in vain and that this is the last time she ever has to have this done.

Here's to praying that sooner rather than later, she will be home and getting bows put in her hair, no matter how short it is....

Update

Hey guys!

Wanted to update you on the situation with our girl.

We couldn't afford to send her over the border for care and so we just prayed for healing and sent her to the local clinic(though this is often unsuccessful)

My sis in law took her and reported back that there was a new doctor there who impressed her greatly.

He spent 45 minutes with them and got Our girl's full medical history.

He was shocked at how far it had gotten and was convinced that treating it as we have in the past would not be successful.

He feels confident that she suffers from both bacterial and parastic infections and is choosing to treat both aggressively(as aggressive as one can in Ha*ti)

She will be on oral antibiotic,oral antiparasitic, antibiotic shots,antibacterial topical cream and antifungal shampoo and soap.

whew!

That ought to at least hold it at bay,right?!

God willing.

Thank You for praying for healing for our princess.

It seems that God chose to provide this through a new doctor at the clinic and for this we are so grateful

And for your prayers, we are SO grateful.

How can one family be indebted to so many peoples love,support, and prayers?

I am always amazed.

Thank You,Thank you, Thank you.

Here I am again...

Here I am again,

asking for your prayers.

Let's just get used to it, shall we?

After all, that's what I am.

A woman in great need.

That's what we are.

A people in great need...

of a Saviour.

That is why I know Him.

Just heard from my sis-in-law, who is currently in Ha*ti at the orphanage where our daughter is.

Our daughter has had a recurring scalp infection since we have known her.

When she first arrived at the orphanage, she was so ill that those who were there thought they were watching her die.

An American friend of mine held her in her arms and said she feared that she would die right there.

She was hospitalized and recovered, but has consistently struggled with this scalp infection.

I wonder if she was septic from an infection at the time.

Anyhow.

We have tried to treat it numerous times and it continues to come back.

While she resides in Ha*ti, I fear that she will never be able to be rid of the infection.

My sister-in-law called this morning to say that it is the worst she has ever seen it and no one can do her hair or touch her scalp.

She has large lumps on her head and pestules covering her scalp.

My resources to help her are limited.

But God's are not.

I can't help but think, "Just get her home."

"As soon as she's home, we'll make her well, finally, really well."

As if my care is the absolute definitive,loving care for her.

But God cares for her there, in Ha*ti, along with the other orphans.

Father to the fatherless.

I'm studying through the book of Acts right now.

And I can't ignore the power of God as displayed through his people, and through their prayers and acts.

Is the only solution a practical one?

Will you pray with me that God will simply heal her little head?

Just that?

He is there with her,though I am not.

And His power and resources are endless.

Oh, God, help me to trust you with timing.

On days like this,

I just want them home.

Mt. Everest

( I wrote this last week, during a day spent away in prayer about many things heavy on my heart)

image courtesy of Michal Marcol

Today,

I had to run.

I HAD to pray.

I had to question,cry,be disappointed,

and be filled with hope.

Cause I've really been struggling.

So I took a half day of prayer

(don't be impressed. I tried to get out of it)

To be blatantly honest,

this week I have struggled with sheer hopelessness.

And it has made me sad,discouraged,tired,angry...you know

...a HUGE blessing to my family.

Over the past year and a half,

God has led our lives to some pretty spectacular places.

And through this leading, I believe,

we find ourselves in some very challenging spots as of late.

To give you a picture,

I REALLY feel like I am just standing at the base of Mount Everest,

looking up and thinking...

what?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

How?!?!?!??!

What, you think this is amusing to watch me try to climb this thing and come tumbling down Jack -and -Jill style??

Or even better, get close to the top, only to get altitude sickness,just sit down and die?

IT.

IS.

IMPOSSIBLE.

Surely, you know this Lord?

Surely you don't want to make a fool of me and my family?

But then why so much impossibility?

I don't mind hard things,tooooo bad.

I won't complain,tooo bad.

But the impossible?!

That's just cruel.

Let me elaborate.

We want to do work in Ha*ti.

We've been led by God to do this in the form of a ministry developed this past year out of our local church.

(a button that links to the site can be found at the top right)

We believe strongly that God has blessed this ministry and for it's continued success,

it needs someone's full attention.

So that's what we've done for almost an entire year.

The work has been challenging and oh so wonderful.

Almost a year ago, Noah stopped working at his regular job and began working on this ministry full time.

Most people don't know that.

To be honest, I've not known how much I should share about our families personal financial situation on my...

blog.

Or at all sometimes.

I mean, I don't mind being open,

but I have as much personal pride as the next gal.

Not to mention that whole privacy thing.

I really do like it sometimes.

Anyway....

We've been diligently working on the development of Ha*tiLove, along with the daily workings of keeping a ministry of partnerships between many people in 2 countries up and running and functional.

This truly keeps Noah busy on a "full time" basis,40 +hrs a week, blah blah.

Then there's the going to Ha*ti for 2 weeks every 6 weeks thing.

He's working harder than I have ever see him work.

And I couldn't be more proud.

And now we need desperately to raise the missionary support to sustain this work and our family for a long term basis.

It has been slow going, getting our support up and running.

I some ways the slow going can be attributed to details that needed working out to be able to raise support through the local church, and some can be attributed to us being so busy working on the tyranny of the urgent in Ha*ti, we can't seem to find the time to raise the support for our family.I'm sure some can even be attributed to our own unbelief and hesitance in this matter.

And now, we are a year into this,

and needing desperately to get our missionary- support- raising going.

It's a real nail-biter, if ya know what I mean?

Simply put,

we KNOW this is God's plan for our family.

No question.

I'm not gonna lie.

I pretty much hate this whole money raising thing.

It's a little bit,

or a lot,

humbling.

Sometimes I just get sick of being the ones in need.

Isn't that prideful of me?

Boy would I love to be a bit more self sufficient.

You know?

like real adults?

Except that those aren't the kind of real adults God has shaped us into.

Right now,

they are the kind in need.

Who hopefully reflect God's greatness in their weakness.

Hopefully.

image courtesy of Ambro

Another reason why I had to hit the pavement this afternoon was the adoption.

I promised myself as I ran that I wouldn't stop a SINGLE minute sooner than I was allowed,

and I picked the hardest route I have to run on my ipod.

(I run with this "couch to 10k" type app, but I'm closer to the couch than the 10k)

With this app, I can listen to my playlist while simultaneously following a directed plan.

So mid-song, the music dims and a nice, british woman named "Allyson," comes on and gently reminds me that I have "5 more minutes" before I can walk for one minute.

And as it goes, "2 more minutes"...

on and on, she kindly reminds me in her sing-song voice, that there is an end in sight,if I'll just keep going.

She even tells me when to "walk" and when to "run!"

She's very helpful.

Because her guidance means I can just worry about one thing...

running.

And none of the other details,

like how long I have left still to go, or how far I've gone already,

for that matter.

Just run.

And don't stop 'till I tell you to.

And walk when I say you need a breather.

And run when it's time.

This is what I needed from God today.

Just the reminder that he is with me and all I have to worry about is,

to be sure I,

Just.

Keep.

Going.

As a symbolic act for my heart,

I didn't allow myself to take any extra breaks or stop even seconds before sweet Allyson suggested I "walk."

Isn't there just something about running when you're heart is breaking and your out of your own strength and resources and you feel like you've got nowhere to go and nothing left but your own ugly heart and hopelessness.

I get it, Forest Gump.

I really do.

There is something about the physical challenge to match the spiritual and emotional one.

And the silence ad no distractions.

When I run, I feel like my emotions are so raw and there's no pretending I am strong.

But I also feel as though my senses are highly aware,

and I can hear my Father's voice clearly.

And he said to just keep going,

and tell the story of what He is doing

and to see what He wanted to do,

and just be faithful with the very little I could do.

But I won't lie, I have MANY fears

and often get the feeling I am standing on the stage, de-pantsed, after the high school B-ball game.

Don't laugh.

It happened to me.

And it's not the reason I left high school early and got my GED.

I don't think.

Though I do clearly remember begging God on my way home that night,

for him to have mercy on me,

and bring the rapture before I had to go back to school on Monday.

In the words of Garth Brooks, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers"

And apparently it was to become a pattern....

humility comes in many shapes and sizes.

Right now, it has taken the shape of raising support to be non-resident missionaries to Ha*ti and adopting 2 children.

The mountain we face with adoption is directly connected to the mountain of our support raising.

Let me explain a little.

Last I told you, Ha*ti wasn't going to allow us to adopt for another 2 1/2 years because of age requirements that we do not meet.

This week, we were told that someone very important in Ha*ti was willing to hear our case and interested in helping us.

Someone who could make all the difference.

PRAISE GOD!

And I did...

for like 3 seconds.

Before I started to FREAK OUT!!!

Because WE CANNOT ADOPT!!!!!

NOT NOW!

Not without an income that supports a seven member family!!!

And we haven't raised all of our support yet,remember?

Mt.Everest again.

In the words of the british philosopher, Austin Powers,"throw me a friggin bone here!"

Their government says they are open to helping us adopt...finally...and we can't,

because we not only don't have enough money saved up for the adoption,

but we don't even have an income.

And FYI, no government gets excited about giving two more children to a family with no substantial, secured, income.

Makes sense.

Yet God has said to walk forward.

And I know we must.

With dreams/nightmares that go a little something like this...

We finally get our homestudy done and it lands on someone's desk at immigration (this particular person may or may not have a wort on her nose with stray hairs growing out of it.One cannot really say for sure) and random person looks at our family and our income and the whole "situation", and with eyes rolled back in their head,

they grab the REJECT stamp and with clawed hands,

bang the gavel/stamp down onto our papers with the verdict,

INADEQUATE TO ADOPT,

Fools!

I'm really afraid of that.

All joking aside.

I know from the outside looking in, we look like a mess.

But in my opinion,

a mess is two children who dug through garbage for the first years of their life,

and a little girl who needs the protection of a daddy desperately, as she already builds patterns of survival,relying on her God given beauty.

And a young boy, quickly growing into a young man, who has only ever been told that he is blind.

And only blind.

He's not smart and special and made perfect. No.

He's just the blind kid, the one who's easy to steal from and pick on because he can't defend himself.

And NO.

Those children thrown away like trash are priceless treasures. And I will proudly call them mine and give them my name. Those are Joyner's.

And they are worth fighting for.

And they are more important than my pride.

So I am asking for all of you to pray with us for the impossible.

We simply can't climb Mt.Everest alone.

We aren't even athletic,for heaven's sake.

So, in writing this post, I am trying to take one step away from my pride.

And refuse to make this about me.

This is NOT my story.

MY life.

Ultimately, I don't believe MY decisions are what got us here.

Cause I'll tell ya right now.

I personally would not choose to feel so weak and vulnerable.

I personally don't like to need to ask other people for help so much.

I personally would not choose to adopt 2 children with broken pasts,

not now.

Let's at least wait till we have jobs.

And lets not choose one of the hardest countries in the world to adopt from,

k?

do ya mind?

Great.

And the thing is He does mind.

This is HIS way to use our lives.

So I am going to try to stop apologizing for my need and brag on it because it's a work of God. As embarrassing as I feel my weaknesses to be,

what I really have to be embarrassed about is not

shouting about what GOD has done, because I think it makes me look bad.

Pride.

It's ugly.

It seems that from what I can tell we need 2 things to happen and quickly.

PLEASE pray with us for this miracle.

(Ironically, I had been using this Everest analogy already in my writing of this post, but pre-editing, I ended up watching a documentary called "Blindsight," about a team of blind Tibetan teenagers who were taken on a trip to climb a summit of Mt.Everest with their blind guides.Woah!

It was beautiful to see them truly attempt the impossible and risk great loss,

to prove that they were not JUST blind kids, but valuable,brave, young men and women.)

If they can do this in their own strength,

can we not try some impossible things in our lifetime,

as humbling as they may be,

as draining and risky as they may seem?

For the fame of God's great name?

Please pray with us.

Please consider climbing with us.

Our Mountains are these.

1.We need to finish raising our missionary support of a significant amount. And the sooner the better:) We'd love to see 100 people join us by giving $40 a month.

If you would like to be a part of the team of people who support us financially, you may email me at joynerfamily@ymail.com,or post on the blog. If you are interested in a one time gift or long term support, we want to know who you are and get you on a contact list for keeping you updated on what is going on.You can also go directly to our church's website to give online immediately and get started with your monthly support today.

Just be sure to put "HaitiLove missionary support" in the drop down box:)

2. We need to raise the first $1,500 to finish our homestudy. The money we had previously raised for the homestudy had to be used to begin building a case for us in Ha*ti,proving our children's situation is a desperate one (homestudies there in Ha*ti,psychological evaluations,medical eval's,etc) and worth waiving the traditional requirements for us.

I am brainstorming some ways to raise funds and will keep you all updated on any ideas I have. Please feel free to share yours with me,too:)

Part of my being found in my weakest is that my very weakest trait, hands down,

is that I am a TERRIBLE problem solver.

TERRIBLE.

It started in elementary school with car #1 having to get from point A to point B without hitting point C and has continued through life.

Ask anyone who knows me really well.

I'm no dummy.

But don't ask me to solve a SINGLE practical problem EVER.

It would be to your great demise.

The gears in my brain work for many things but problem solving isn't one of them.

And so this week, I have spent every day frustrated,sad, angry at this looming problem I have set before you.

And I have toiled and stayed awake at night, and worried and plotted...

and I've been CRAZY...

and still...

I got nothin.'

Except Mt.Everest,

and me,

a weakling.

So I'm thinking this is going to have to be God's thing.

But I know he likes to work through his people.

So I'd start by putting it before you to pray about and see what God does.

***This is a journal entry I wrote out the night I went back over the border from Haiti to the DR. Noah stayed back in Haiti so I was traveling by myself...

It's a good place to start,on the thoughts of my trip****

Sorry it has taken so long, but, well, I am exhausted. And life with the little ones and no daddy didn't slow down upon my arrival.

*******

August 11,2011

I'm sitting here in a beautiful hotel room by myself

and all I seem to notice is the too lush room with a too large bed and the cold breeze of air condition biting me.

And all I want to really do is cry.

Because at the end of the journey, I am here...

and only one page over in my journal (the last time I could find a moment to write)

I was writing of...

Sitting on a hot verandah where the breeze blows by just enough to keep you from crazy.

Anxiety and fear fill my heart.

I have brought a orphaned Haitian boy, whom I care for like a son, to a clinic in this mission to have an operation on his eyes, in hopes that he will see anew.

Only he won't get the kind of operation my youngest son received just a week prior.

No.

This boy's best was a long dusty road-13 hours to be exact-with no bathrooms and relentless potholes,rain,dust and unbearable discomfort and fear.

This was the road he traveled

to get to a small,stuffy room in a Haitian mission,

where all give their best,

but,still, the A/C goes in and out along with the power.

And I hold him while he waits in a room crammed with the elderly,

grandparents with dark, leathery skin, and stoic silence.

And then he bravely marches back,

a boy with no real home, who cannot see.

He marches back with people he's never met or seen,

to face the unknown with only the hope of sight to drive him forward.

He awakes in the arms of strangers, who hand him off to me,

thrashing wildly in fear and insanity from this thing called anesthesia.

He cannot be rationalized with.

This must make no sense at all in his world, now demented by drugs and new experience.

So he yells that I am not his mother anymore!!!

"You lied to me! You said I could see and I can't see!!!"

And he's wild with fear.

And I'm wild with fear and heartbreak.

And I know he's braver than I.

But I hold my fear inside and hold tight to him, who needs me strong now.

"Why are you holding me so tight?! I feel like I'm in jail. Let me go!!!"

"Stop hurting me!!! It hurts!!!"

It hurts.

All I can do is hold him.

A tight hold.

A grasping hold.

And I wonder if we're like this with God sometimes.

Not understanding parts of the process, raging at him that it doesn't makes sense

and "why don't you just let me go?!"

"Stop holding me so tight in this prison of love."

And so I hold him fierce and and try not to cry

until he simply ceases to fight and slumps heavy into my body

and all I can feel is the deep, heavy breathing.

The breathing of peaceful sleep that I had prayed would come soon for him.

They bring a stretcher in and we slowly slump down into a sleeping position,

a boy and a woman who loves him,

together,

one tired piece of human,

bonded together by fear and trust.

And only then do I let a few tears stream silently down.

Slowly he begins to drink, then eat.

And that night we sleep in a tent, on a rooftop, with little breeze,

and sweat beading up on his forehead in the hot Haitian night.

He sleeps in his underwear, with socks on his hands to protect his eyes from wild, irritated hands that want to explore agitated eyes.

His eyes are covered with plastic lenses, taped to his face, blood and sweat rimming the tape edges.

He wrestles through the night, crying out to touch his eyes, to rip the goggles from his hot face,

trying to ease the discomfort.

in our family tent.

On a rooftop.

Shared with many mosquitos.

I am so grateful for this opportunity for him.

truly.

I am so grateful for doctors who know what the "best" looks like but don't cease to practice under less than best conditions.

I praise God for doctors who weep over my child, though they have met him for only the first time.

Who pray prayers of hope over a boy who has had very few people hope for him.

Who know, like I do, that it's boys like him, who have struggled for everything that God uses to to radical things.

I thank them for being true heros

but also for seeing the hero in this young boy.

And being willing to do brave surgeries in a brave place for brave patients.

But with that said...

as a mom...

I also grieved,

crazy as it may sound.

Because I had hoped that he'd be covered in a Diego blanket,

snuggled under covers in my bed.

He'd be watching cartoons in the air conditioning, with an endless supply of chewable bubble- gum flavored tylenol,

a ceaseless flow of clean water and soap to protect him from infection.

But no.

Not at all.

And after it all.

Today, I left him, slumped and crying in a room alone,

back at the orphanage,

because I was leaving him again.

How can I leave this boy when I've brought so much into his life?

I have brought hope.

And I have brought love.

But with these things also comes loss

and pain.

And I feel that I have ushered these things into his life,also.

But I had to leave him.

And I hate that.

while I went back to the boys he calls brothers.

Without him.

Honestly, it just seems wrong.

How can two people laugh and cry and fear and hope for so much together-

and then just part ways to face the unknown,

seperate?

And he a child.

My prayer is this.

That God will use this pain, all of it, to shape him into the most remarkable man,

who will change his world for God's glory.

I told him once and I mean it.

"Great men are men who can do hard things and do them well."

He will have much practice by manhood.

Whatever role I play in his life,

I can only hope that ultimately it brings much more pleasure than pain.

More hope than hurt.

And that he will not be disappointed.

And I don't believe he will,

be disappointed,

because his God will show up in his life,

in His way.

Not mine.

And it will be perfect.

photo by Heba Salama

Again, so much to say...

Shepherd is feeling much better.

After the adenoidectomy and the subsequent allergic reaction to pain meds that sent us back to the hospital via ambulance...

we got home and he's doing good.

Other than a bronchitis they noticed during the bronch and are now treating, he's doing fabulous.

Then there's Haiti.

I wondered if I could go.

It seemed impossible ,

and so many factors had to play into making it possible.

I didn't know if I "should" go.

I only felt strong compassion for these children and the strong love for them leading me to LONG to be with them, and especially with Mayson for his eye surgery.

It was so hard to say that I should go when it seemed so impossible TO go.

But we took one step at a time towards the door seeing if it would open.

And it did.

In a lot of little ways.

Some bigger ways.

And one MAJOR way.

On Sunday afternoon, we got a phone call from a couple telling us that they would like to pay the cost of both Noah and I's trip to Haiti.

This couple isn't an intimate part of our lives, or at least wasn't at the time.

Now, of course, they have played a precious part in our lives and the lives of our children.

They merely heard of our need and chose to be remarkably generous.

I cried my way through lunch at the Mexican restaurant, munching on chips and salsa, in the corner, wiping tears.

This one HUGE wall, in our way...

One of the reasons I thought I shouldn't even entertain the idea of going....

The cost of the trip....

Taken care of...like that.

In one moment, God made the wall come crashing down.

And I would never have seen His provision to me through the generosity of God's people had I just rationally told myself, going wasn't an option.

We are simply blown away at the generous givers God surrounds us with.

To see God's loving hand reach out to you and feed you through the hands of his people is one of the most beautiful things we've experienced in our needy lives together.

It's such a tangible, clear picture that God is WITH US.

I can only pray that this generosity shown to us will change us.

That it will make us generous people.

That we will give wildly.

To be evidence of God's presence.

I can only pray that the people in Haiti will feel the same way we do,

when they are shown generosity through Gods people.

And so we go...

Saturday morning, August 6th, early in the morning.

"M" has surgery scheduled some time on Monday or Tuesday at this amazing place I can't wait to visit.

And these amazing folks will do this for him, God willing.

Will you please pray for this process with us?

We will also take our daughter with us to be seen. She has no obvious vision trouble but it is genetic so we want her seen.

We will hopefully get some sweet time with both of them as a family, and for this I am very hopeful.

Please also pray for good opportunities to speak with government officials about the adoption during Noah's month long trip.

Also, please pray for the current storm ripping its way through Haiti.

Pray for the children's safety at the orphanage, along with all of Haiti's people vulnerable to the storm's affects.

Please pray that this does not affect our travel plans in any way.

It appears to be heading into Florida right as we are trying to head out of Florida.

Great.

God knows and plans and loves and can be trusted.

I hope to keep everyone up to date on how things are going once we get there, but it's Haiti.

So....we'll see.

Exodus 4

¹⁰But Moses said to the LORD, "Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue." ¹¹Then the LORD said to him, "Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? ¹²Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak."

Lord, please, go with us.

Speak for us.

We've got nothing.

But you are everything.

And made everything...

including this beautiful, blind boy

this orphaned little girl

and these inconsequential, ignorant parents.

We are yours, for your glory.

Help us to trust you.

Psalm 146

¹Praise the LORD!Praise the LORD, O my soul! ²I will praise the LORD as long as I live;
I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

³ Put not your trust in princes,
in a son of man, in whom there is^(F) no salvation.
⁴When his breath departs, he returns to the earth;
on that very day his plans perish.

⁵Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the LORD his God,
⁶ who made heaven and earth,
the sea, and all that is in them,
who keeps faith forever;
⁷ who executes justice for the oppressed,
who gives food to the hungry.

The LORD sets the prisoners free;

the LORD opens the eyes of the blind.
The LORD lifts up those who are bowed down;
the LORD loves the righteous.
⁹ The LORD watches over the sojourners;
he upholds the widow and the fatherless,
but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.

¹⁰ The LORD will reign forever,
your God, O Zion, to all generations.
Praise the LORD!

*italics mine

photo by Nicole Brocato

I will sing praises to my God while I have my being, no matter what happens that I don't understand.

I'll put my trust where it belongs, not in governments or rulers but in the ruler of all.

I know that my plans along with all other men's plans are just that...plans.

God is the only one who always does exactly what he intends because only He has the power to accomplish his plans EVERY time.

When I die, my plans die with me.

Not God's, they go on and on...

I am blessed because THIS God is my help when I need it, and I always do.

May I live a bowed down life, knowing who I really am and who you are...really.

You watch over and protect these children along with all other's without one to call Father, protector.

You have shown that to these children.

You have loved them enough to send others to advocate for them and make their needy voices heard.

Heal "M"'s eyes that he may really see for the first time.

All the more, open his soul, that he may see you for who you are through this physical healing.

Give sight to the blind all over Haiti, that they may know you and call you God.

You are God forever.

You Reign on your throne.

And we are your people.

Whom have I to fear?

When you are King.

Currently.

Amen.

photo by Nicole Brocato

Whew!

photo by Nicole Bricato

Well,

there is much to say...

And I am going to try to be concise.

No promises.

Noah came home a couple of weeks ago from his most recent trip to Haiti and we all breathed a sigh of relief that he'd be home for a while this time around.

The next HaitiLove trip isn't till late October so we figured we'd spend some time "resting" and getting family time in, along with doing some "getting our buts in gear" as far as home life goes.

Don't you ever feel as though, as a family, you only have time to identify a problem and get frustrated by it on a daily basis, but rarely the time to come up with a solution?

Enter:Amazing sisters,momma, and a great leader of a husband.

Amazing sister's job?

Take care of our boys for 2 days and one night, loving on them well enough that they will cry when I pick them up in hopes that I will simply leave them there forever.

Done.

Amazing husbands job?

Make sure we have 2 full days of no cell phone and no leisure internet and pure focus.

And so we set out on our staycation focused on getting focused.

We stayed at my mom and dads beautiful home while they were out of town and went to cool coffee shops,etc.

We spent day 1 identifying things that don't "work" well in our lives and how we could fix them together as a team.

Then day 2 was devoted to implementing ways to accomplish our ideals.

We wrote our family's mission statement,came up with a schedule for everyone that will help us actually DO what we hope to DO with our lives.

Bought Auggie an underground fence.

You know stuff like that, so I can stop chasing my dog through the neighborhood when I simply let her out to go pee.

I do NOT have time for that.

Or patience.

It's the simple things.

But we took the time to DO something about it so that we can be more freed up to do what we believe God really wants us to DO.

SO that was that.

And it was AMAZING.

But even as we tried to rest and relax post Haiti.

Haiti has come a callin'.

photo of Noah with his girl by Meagan Meekin

As some of you may know, we have been trying for over a year to pursue the adoption of a brother and sister who live in the orphanage in which we work.

The boy, M, is blind with congenital cataracts and we have been attempting to get them both here on medical visas, but have continued to hit closed doors.

We also recently hit a closed door with the adoption.

The lawyer we are working with in Haiti has become concerned that Noah's age is going to be a problem.

You are supposed to be 35 and he is only 32 1/2.

That's a 2 1/2 year difference folks.

tear.

We feel hopeful that God will make a way around this but until he makes that "way" clear, we are on pause as far as the adoption goes.

We have plenty of money to continue to raise during this waiting season.

We will continue to work on that and continue to love these precious children in ANY way we can.

They have not been left as orphans, just like Jesus has not left us as orphans.

They have a father and mother to advocate for them and care for them, even when we are limited in our ways to do that.

And we are willing to do this for as many years as it takes.

Yikes.

This week, we were given a major opportunity to do just that.

A dear friend found a team of US surgeons going to the Northwestern part of Haiti to do cataract surgery.

They want to perform surgery for "M" in hopes that he will recover some of his sight!

This is a relatively simple procedure, though made riskier by being done in Haiti.

His post op will be a week of keeping everything really clean (not conducive to Haiti) and staying calm, along with a months worth of eye drops 4x a day.

At first, it was clear for a number of reason, which I will share in a moment, that I could not accompany "M" for his surgery.

This broke my heart.

As a mom who has already walked through multiple medical procedures with her son and having a great heart for children facing this type of life, I was devastated to realize what this really meant.

I tried to be realistic.

But when I would think of not being there with him as he walked this road. When I would think of not being there when he gets to see more than he ever has his entire life...

more tears.

Lord, am I being dramatic?

Or high maintenance?

Should I just accept this as your plan?

I went running.

And prayed.

(For some reason running and praying go hand in hand for me.When I really need to hear from God, this is the best way to go about it.)

So I ran.

And tried to problem solve.

Which for me is, no joke, an impossibility.

I just kept hitting walls in my mind.

And there are many walls.

But as I ran and prayed, all I could think is that no matter when or if they ever come home, their heavenly father loves them SO intensely.

I wasn't getting any major revelations here about "the plan."

Just the constant, intense compassion.

We had spoken with them earlier in the day on skype and, as we often do, when they ask for the impossible (like when are we taking them home with us, or when are we bringing Aslan to Haiti)

we asked them to pray.

We told them that God must do these things.

And we must wait.

And as I ran, I begged God to be faithful to them.

To make his nearness to them evident and not let them be put to shame in their asking big things form Him.

And I cried some more.

The next day, on our staycation date, I shared this with Noah, my realist.

And my problem solver.

I love this man.

Not only because I literally couldn't solve the problem of how to walk and chew gum at the same time without his methodical mind.

With me being a dreamer, the details boggle me,

literally.

And he totally gets the details.

Thankfully.

And the reason I love him is that he helped me think through what the real problems were, keeping me from "M"s bedside in Haiti.

And there were plenty.

And I teared up, telling him how I would feel to miss out on this big moment in this very special boys life.

How it would grieve me to see a video and not be there,touching him, hugging him,holding him.

And then he said,

"Well, if that's how you feel, and you know what you should do...then get to doing it."

In a firm,decisive, non emotional way.

All the ways I don't know how to do.

well, um, ok...

but what about how much money it would cost for you and I to go...

what about the timing....

what about...

all the problems I don't know how to solve?

photo of "M" by Meagan Meekin

You see there was also the MAJOR problem of our sweet Shepherd.

No, he's not a problem.

Get this.

We've been trying to help "M" for about a year.

And when help comes, it came for Aug 8th,2012.

In Haiti.

Meanwhile on Aug 8,2012.

In Chapel Hill,NC.

Another Joyner boy is scheduled for his first bronchoscopy in over a year.

This is the procedure where they sedate Shep and examine his airway and decide wether or not they should try to take his trach out.

Remember last year?

Problematic,right?

The gears in my mind were seriously jammed.

So here's where we are.

UNC was willing to squeeze Shep in for a week earlier, which is THIS monday, August 1st.

And some other details were able to come together to make this possible.

SO, I will wait until Monday afternoon to see wether or not I go to Haiti to be with "M."

If Shep gets his trach out...

well, wow. That would be something else entirely.

And I would not go to Haiti.

But Noah will.

He buys his ticket today.

A one way ticket.

We aren't sure how it will all go down, but we want to love this precious boy in Haiti well.

The only way we feel we can be sure that he is getting the post op care he needs is to be the ones to give it to him.

Remember the month of eye drops?

Well, at this point, it's possible that Noah will be staying in Haiti for a month to administer eye drops.

Alongside that, he can do lots of work for HaitiLove and maybe even make some adoption connections.

If Shep does not get his trach out, then I will immediately purchase a ticket Monday afternoon and fly out Aug 6th with Noah.

I will only stay a week,though.

We're only 1/2 crazy, folks.

And then I'll head home to my other babies,

without hubby.

I know I feel it,too.

Yikes!

On Soooo many levels.

Wow.

I hardly know if this makes any sense to you all.

It hardly makes sense to me.

It's a lot.

Please pray with us.PLEASE.

1.For "M"'s surgery. That it will go smoothly and his sight will be restored in ways no one could hope.

2. For the trip to Haiti. That Noah will get much done for HaitiLove and that God will enfold him in grace and provision for this time.

3. That God would use this trip to give us favor with the government and build advantageous relationships for the adoption and the future.

4. For Shep's bronch. That God would protect him during the procedure and do His perfect will in this remarkable boy's life.

5. Finances. God has provided money for our adoption and I will use some of it for going to be with "M." But both Noah and I going is a huge expense and I hope to not use it all for this trip. But if I do have to use a lot of it, pray that I will trust God to continue to provide as he has in the past as needed to move forward in the adoption.

Also, if anyone happens to have airline miles they've acquired in their travels that they would like to donate for this trip, that would be a huge blessing.

6. Everything I am forgetting or is too much to say!!!!

Our boys.

My mom, as she watches them, IF I go.

blah,bah,blah

Let the Holy Spirit lead you.

Seriously.

There's so much.

I'm scares.

Excited.

nervous.

This is all so God sized.

May I trust you, Father.

Regardless of the outcome.

Psalm 112:6-8

English Standard Version (ESV)

⁶For the righteous will never be moved;
he will be remembered forever.
⁷He is not afraid of bad news;
his heart is firm,trusting in the LORD.
⁸His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.

whew.

This is bigger than me and I need God to do his thing and get me out of the way.

Because he doesn't make mistakes.

Thank you guys for always praying my family through the impossible.

I'll let you know how Monday goes, but regardless Noah bought a one way ticket to Haiti today, so,

please pray.

And sorry, I lied.

About being concise.

I did try.

Guess what?

Well, friends, I am SO excited to share with you our most recent (as if we do them often) family photos, taken by the amazing Heba Salama.

Heba is Noah's cousin's wife.

Yeah, that sounds distant.

It's not as much as it sounds.

At a recent family get together(as if we do them often)

while I chowed on her husband, Ed's , amazing fried chicken (don't tell Jillian Michaels he makes this amazing fried chicken. They were finalists on "The Biggest Loser" a few seasons ago and have done amazing with their health;)

And just to be clear, I don't think they ate it.

But BOY DID I.

I could do another post entirely just about the fried chicken!

But I won't.

Yet wasn't it kind of them not to bring carrot sticks to the family get together?!

They really went all out to bless us with that fried chicken...

I'm doing it again.

Moving on from the fried chicken.

In between mouthfuls of the "you know what" we started talking about our families need for an updated family photo to use as we embark on raising our support to do work in Haiti.

Heba generously offered to bless us with a family photo shoot.

And I responded similarly to this offer as I did to the remarkable chicken.

I gobbled it up!

We had a blast getting to spend time with Ed and Heba because even though we're family and we only live an hour away from each other, it can seem like an ocean with our busy lives.

But that is all about MY good news.

Now for YOUR good news(and a little bit of mine still).

Heba Salama Photography wants to offer to help us raise money for our adoption, too!!!!!

For anyone who is referred by us to Heba, she is offering this SWEET deal...

She will do your photos for the regular session price of $150, BUT

she'll give $50 of that back to our adoption!!

On top of that you will get a $50 print credit to use to purchase prints from the shoot, along with a free 8x10!

And as you can see,

she is going to give you photos to remember.

So if you think it's time to get some photos taken AND

you'd like to help us adopt,

head on over to Heba's site

and email her, mentioning our family.

She's wonderful to work with and I know you'll love everything about your time with her.

And Heba, again,

THANK YOUUUUUU!!!!!

Especially for taking a picture of me leap frogging over my husband's head.

I feel this really captures our marriage.

Know what I mean?

Yeah, me neither.

But I LOVE this picture.

And you.

Thanks!