Thursday, April 2, 2009

Weary



Shepherd just had to have his breathing tube put in again. The doctor came in and agreed that he was working way too hard. So he has to have the narcotics again, can't eat soon, but he'll be able to breath again, for which we are grateful. The doc thinks the reason he can't breath is that his vocal cord was damaged during surgery (which has the same affect as bronchitis or damage to the respiratory system).  Hopefully that will heal quickly and he can have the tube out again. Pray that they won't have to go through this process many more times. When we got home to RMH and I told a couple the situation she said,"oh yeah, we've had that happen a few times." then proceeded to tell me that they finally resolved by giving their son a trach tube. Not encouraging.  I am tempted to feel that this may not end for a long while and I don't have the strength for much more. My sister reminded me that God is writing Shepherd his very own story and I need to guard my heart against comparison good or bad while I talk with other PICU parents. This is true, so true. And hasn't God been so faithful. Oh, how I pray that in moments that don't go how I want them to, I will not lose faith quickly. These are the times to remember what God has done. As we walked wearily to the elevator tonight, I was reminded of a beautiful moment with Shepherd and realized God had been encouraging us and telling us of his nearness. Right when we were feeling so discouraged at seeing our little one sufffering and not knowing how to help him, he opened his eyes. This was totally unexpected and was like giving us a huge breath of fresh air. We just talked with him and marveled at the chance to see him looking at us. It was very soon after that they came in and told us they were going to need to intabate(sp?) hi again. When he is intabated, he is all doped up and out of it so we won't see his eyes again for days. I know see what a gift that was. These things remind me that God is near and are so personal and tender of our Lord. Thank you for praying. It feels so good to end this email and rest my head knowing that others will be praying. Please also pray for me. I feel as thought I am getting sick. I would just hate to have to keep away from Shepherd right now. 

I won't post pictures of shep right now, but I'll post some pre-surgery that my sis took. SOoooo precious.
It has been a tough night. We are both sooo worn out and it's easy to give into discouragement. We look forward to rest and new mercies in the morning.

12 comments:

Amber Bowen said...

Oh, Steph, my heart goes out to you guys. I've been praying for you and Noah, the boys, and little Shepherd every day. I know it may not look like it from where you are standing, but watching on the outside, I can already see God being glorified all through this situation in your trusting hearts, in His perfect care of Shepherd and in the ministry you have with those around you. You are such an encouragement to me, Sister!

Anonymous said...

I am praying for you in Alaska! My friend had a baby boy named Shepherd on Sunday, the 29th, so I'll have a constant reminder to keep you and your Shepherd in my prayers. All I know to say is keep clinging to Jesus. I can't think of any other way to get through the hard times. You are a testament to those you around you, and I'm sure lives at the RMH and at the hospital will be changed because of your witness and the hope that you have. Praying for a good night of rest for you, Shepherd, and your family.
Heidi

Anonymous said...

Hey Steph,

I know how you feel with getting so quickly discouraged. I felt scared and sad last night too when I heard about his breathing. So quickly my prayers became ones of despair but the Lord reminded me of all the GREAT ways he has worked in Shepherd's life so far and that He is still able to bring him to a place of complete healing, and my friend, I trust we WILL be there!! Yesterday was 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Today can be 2 steps forward, no steps back. I love you, and you and that sweet baby will not (and have not) left my prayers.

Carolina

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to tell you that I am lifting you guys up this morning. I remember really well what it was like when my brother was in the PICU there and how often it seemed like there were setbacks along the way, but you know that God knit this little one together and is holding him together now. If being intubated means he gets to rest easier, maybe it will allow his body to put all its energy into healing from surgery. I am praying for peace and comfort for your hearts, and strength for your bodies...take care of you too.
Love you!
Kelly

SteveC said...

My name is Steve, I'm 42, and I also was born with a serious heart defect. I'm praying for Shep and for you two.

Casey Chappell said...

Yes the medical world is amazing. But they also live in a totally different worldview most of the time. I learned fast that God has given you especially as the mother a deep intuition that has great value in times such as these. If your spirit won't let you feel right about something REALLY seek it out and get all the information you can and run to your husband (even that doesn't always look peaceful and unified I've found) BUT we always worked through it and God greatly used my motherly intuition and concern and Dan's leadership and strength in a beautiful way when it came to dealing with the hospital staff. And some personalities you just aren't going to deal well with especially as your heart aches for him. Don't stop asking questions. Don't stop being close by. This is precious life changing moments that God is using to hold you close to him as you long to hold Shepherd. Cling. but remember your clinging isn't what's holding you to Him. His arms are sufficient for that.
Love you!

* and yes, the enemy can use comparison and even other's stories of hopelessness for your dispair. Shepherd's story is his own. know the facts but let God write all the details.

Tori said...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."
Psalm 46:1
We love you all and pray for you daily!
Much Love,
Stuart, Ann, Tori, Isaac & Sam

Jerri-Ane said...

We are praying for our sweet nephew and precious brother and sister! I am trying not to call and keep updated through the blog...a task which proves most difficult! I will probably break down and call today! Sorry! i know your jaws must be tired from all the talking! we love you and are on our knees for you! Thank you for being so diligent in updates!
The Matt Joyner's

Allyson said...

Oh sweet friend. My mind is continually flooded with thoughts, which i do my best to turn to prayers for Shepherd, you and Noah - as well as your family memebers. Please know that you and your family - and especially your sweet baby - are lifted up in prayer continually by a body of believers all over the world. Some of my friends who do not know you are continually sending me word through facebook that they are praying diligently for you all.
Much love my friends.
Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Ps 62:8.
He who promised is faithful. Heb 10:23.
Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good? Num. 23:19
All things are GOOD according to HIS ways. I pray you are able to hold on to this truth during this time.
Much love,
Allyson, Brian, Philip & Lauren

Hugh & Hollie Carson said...

I am carrying this burden with you friends. I could cry rivers with you just through reading your blog. We are approaching the Throne on Shepherd's behalf. We love you
Hollie

Anonymous said...

Stephanie & Noah,
I just came across your blog through facebook...and wanted you to know we just spent some time in prayer for you guys and for sweet little Shepherd...we will continue and will pass this along to others who will pray. He is a BEAUTIFUL boy!

Summer Johnson

Prayer Blog said...

We are praying for your whole family and Shepherd!
I hope you don't mind but we have a website in the works where we post prayer requests. We just posted about Shepherd. We will keep lifting him up in prayer!

Melissa
http://inthehandsofgodblog.blogspot.com/