Weary

Shepherd just had to have his breathing tube put in again. The doctor came in and agreed that he was working way too hard. So he has to have the narcotics again, can't eat soon, but he'll be able to breath again, for which we are grateful. The doc thinks the reason he can't breath is that his vocal cord was damaged during surgery (which has the same affect as bronchitis or damage to the respiratory system).  Hopefully that will heal quickly and he can have the tube out again. Pray that they won't have to go through this process many more times. When we got home to RMH and I told a couple the situation she said,"oh yeah, we've had that happen a few times." then proceeded to tell me that they finally resolved by giving their son a trach tube. Not encouraging.  I am tempted to feel that this may not end for a long while and I don't have the strength for much more. My sister reminded me that God is writing Shepherd his very own story and I need to guard my heart against comparison good or bad while I talk with other PICU parents. This is true, so true. And hasn't God been so faithful. Oh, how I pray that in moments that don't go how I want them to, I will not lose faith quickly. These are the times to remember what God has done. As we walked wearily to the elevator tonight, I was reminded of a beautiful moment with Shepherd and realized God had been encouraging us and telling us of his nearness. Right when we were feeling so discouraged at seeing our little one sufffering and not knowing how to help him, he opened his eyes. This was totally unexpected and was like giving us a huge breath of fresh air. We just talked with him and marveled at the chance to see him looking at us. It was very soon after that they came in and told us they were going to need to intabate(sp?) hi again. When he is intabated, he is all doped up and out of it so we won't see his eyes again for days. I know see what a gift that was. These things remind me that God is near and are so personal and tender of our Lord. Thank you for praying. It feels so good to end this email and rest my head knowing that others will be praying. Please also pray for me. I feel as thought I am getting sick. I would just hate to have to keep away from Shepherd right now. 

I won't post pictures of shep right now, but I'll post some pre-surgery that my sis took. SOoooo precious.

It has been a tough night. We are both sooo worn out and it's easy to give into discouragement. We look forward to rest and new mercies in the morning.