Thursday, April 2, 2009
Noah and I are struggling this evening. Ever since they took Shepherd's breathing tube out, he has a very hard time breathing. His chest just heaves up and down and he gasps for breath. Yet the doctors want to give him some time to try to breath on his own before they decide if they have to put the tube back in. His nurse was more concerned and wanted them to take an x-ray of his chest because she thought she heard fluid. But they chose to just wait it out. It was at this point that we decided to leave to go eat dinner with the boys (a nice time to take a break and get time with the boys). When we came back the nurses were switching shifts and our nurse told us that he had had his eyes open the whole time we were gone. That was hard to hear. We just long for those rare moments and to know we missed it was hard. After that we had to wait put in the waiting room for an hour during shift change. We have almost been back an hour now. We are having a really hard time communicating with his new night nurse. We are very concerned about him right now for a number of reasons and were asking lots of question- which she seems not to be fond of. At one point it seemed like he was in lot's of pain (something we have not seen yet through this ordeal, believe it or not) and not breathing well. She continued to shrug it off and when I pressed her she suggested that it may be because I was touching him and so near to him, so I might think about stepping away from him. ouch. Who knows? maybe she is right, and if that is what is good for him, I have no problem with sacrificing that. But I now we both are struggling with the idea of leaving him all night at this point. I know they are the professionals, but we are his parents and it's difficult when that role seems without value. Please pray we will know when the moments are that God wants us to fight FOR and protect Shepherd, and when we can do that best by trusting the folks taking care of him. I know we both feel conflicted. Ultimately it is God who cares for Shepherd and protects him, thank God. We'd appreciate your prayers.