Thursday, April 2, 2009

Struggles

Noah and I are struggling this evening. Ever since they took Shepherd's breathing tube out, he has a very hard time breathing. His chest just heaves up and down and he gasps for breath. Yet the doctors want to give him some time to try to breath on his own before they decide if they have to put the tube back in. His nurse was more concerned and wanted them to take an x-ray of his chest because she thought she heard fluid. But they chose to just wait it out. It was at this point that we decided to leave to go eat dinner with the boys (a nice time to take a break and get time with the boys). When we came back the nurses were switching shifts and our nurse told us that he had had his eyes open the whole time we were gone. That was hard to hear. We just long for those rare moments and to know we missed it was hard. After that we had to wait put in the waiting room for an hour during shift change. We have almost been back an hour now. We are having a really hard time communicating with his new night nurse. We are very concerned about him right now for a number of reasons and were asking lots of question- which she seems not to be fond of. At one point it seemed like he was in lot's of pain (something we have not seen yet through this ordeal, believe it or not) and not breathing well. She continued to shrug it off and when I pressed her she suggested that it may be because I was touching him and so near to him, so I might think about stepping away from him. ouch.  Who knows? maybe she is right, and if that is what is good for him, I have no problem with sacrificing that. But I now we both are struggling with the idea of leaving him all night at this point.  I know they are the professionals, but we are his parents and it's difficult when that role seems without value. Please pray we will know when the moments are that God wants us to fight FOR and protect Shepherd, and when we can do that best by trusting the folks taking care of him. I know we both feel conflicted. Ultimately it is God who cares for Shepherd and protects him, thank God. We'd appreciate your prayers.

9 comments:

Melissa Pearce said...

praying. love you. pray you'll make a wise decision and rely on God, not yourselves...My heart is aching with you.

Victoria said...

Sweet Friend, I can't wait to hug your neck. I know how hard it is not to be able to touch your sweet baby. We had the same struggle with Cassidy. I would encourage you to continue to trust in God and the wisdom he is giving the team taking care of him. I am praying before you rest tonight God would allow you to touch that sweet baby. We hope to see you guys soon. Love you.

ronandwhit said...

I'm praying for you guys! I'm also praying for the nurse. When we were in the NICU we noticed that some of the nurses had become calloused to what they dealt with everyday. They genuinely cared for the little ones they were caring for, they just had a non-compassionate way of showing it. I guess that's just how they deal with the stress of their job. It made it hard on us as parents who had never gone through it before, but God was (and is) faithful.

Anonymous said...

Steph, I'm praying right now and I will continue to. Please keep us updated as you can. I love you.

-Carolina

kelly R said...

We've never met but as a fellow heart Momma, I just want to encourage you. You TRUST your leading from GOD. I know how hard it is when you get some challenging nurses, and when my son's been in the ICU, I want so much to not have any conflict for his sake. I've learned that sometimes there is difference of opinion and that's okay...but if you feel you are not able to ask your questions, touch your child, or feel peace from the staff...then it's perfectly okay to calmly and politely talk to the unit director and voice your concerns. We once asked for an overly loud and agressive night nurse to be reassigned. She was and it allowed us to be less tense....I'm sure she was happier too. God will give you peace in the direction you should take because you are praying about it all. We are praying for you and I believe with all my heart that God's hand is on Shepherd. If God be for him, who can be against him? No weapon formed shall prosper. I left my number on the previous day's comments...if you just any encouragement on nurse/icu management please feel free to call...even in the middle of the night.
God bless,
kelly Robinson

growingdaybyday said...

I found your blog from someone else's. I just wanted to tell you that although I don't know what it's like to be in your particular situation, I did have a preemie daughter that spent time on a ventilator after birth and 3 weeks in NICU.

First of all, never let anyone make you feel bad for advocating for your baby. You can ask questions, you can push for tests, etc... You can also ask to switch nurses if you get really uncomfortable. If you are feeling put off by your nurse but don't feel his care is suffering, make lists of all of the questions and concerns you have so you remember, and ask the next nurse on duty, or give your dr the list. It's ok to ask. They are there to care for Shepherd but the nurses, staff, and doctors in the NICU, pediatrics, and PICU, are totally aware that the parents are every bit as much their patients as the babies. If you can't leave for an entire night, go to the cafeteria or find a quiet nook for a couple of hours and then go back. Remember, God holds the world in the span of His hand. He is holding Shepherd too. (((HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

I am praying for peace for you guys, and wisdom by the nurses and doctors. Just because his nurse is a professional does not mean she is a good nurse. Don't hesitate to ask for the charge nurse or nurse manager to voice your concern if you feel like she is not taking things seriously. She may be right in that there is nothing to worry about, but she may not be...we make mistakes. I am praying for his breathing to be calm and regular, and for him not to be in pain. I hope you guys get some rest tonight, my heart is with you right now.
-Kelly

angeyprice said...

Hey Steph, I'm praying for Shepherd, for you and Noah, and your family. My heart is heavy for you. May you know the peace and comfort of Christ. May Shepherd know His healing touch. Love you, Angey.

Stephanie said...

Stephanie--Sister, Larry and I are praying, thinking, talking about yall all throughout our days...as are SO many other precious Saints, please know of our fervent prayers on yall's behalf, esp. for dear little Shepherd. Can't wait to serve yall in any way we can...believing with yall!