Yowzas!

I don't have the time or typing abilities to catch up on all that I have left out of blogging for the past,oh,

too many,

months.

But I do have pictures,

snapshots,

of life.

Just so this season of life doesn't disappear into a black hole.

Cause we all know...

If it isn't blogged about or facebooked...

IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

And I am not crazy.

THIS stuff happened.

For instance, some of you may be very worried.

You've been thinking that my sister is still pregant.

That makes her like 14 months pregnant.

And, though she is really remarkable, and does lots of things that other women can't seem to accomplish,

staying pregnant for 14 months isn't one of them...

THANK GOD.

In late October, she gave birth to the beautiful Shalom Shea Martin.

They didn't tell me until after she was born that she would share my middle name.

And without making an entire post about this treasured bundle,

I have to say that being a part of her birth was single handedly one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

I was my sister's foula.

That's a faux- doula.

Or fake-doula.

Depending on how fancy you are.

Regardless,

Since my sister is literally like a part of my physical being in the weird way twins are,

it just made perfect sense to be loving her,encouraging her and rooting her on in the journey of natural childbirth.

I just can't quite explain it.

Here is this beautiful women giving birth to this beautiful little girl,

and I am remembering falling asleep next to my sister when we were kids.

I remember watching her sleep at night, with her pouty lips and her button nose, and thinking, "I love her so much. Sure wish we hadn't fought so much today. She really is quite cute...But man she can be mean when she's awake, But she's sooooo perfect like an angel while she sleeps...I'll try harder tomorrow"

I really adore her in a way words can't always find.

And holding her hand, reminding her of the strength God would give her to accomplish this impossible task,encouraging her...it's what I do...She's my sissy.

I've always felt like that was my job in her life.

Care for her,protect her, lead her (she is 15 months younger than me and needs my mature guidance at times;) serve her, make things as easy as I can for her...

And she's continued to let me do this job, wether I'm any good at it or not.

Thank you,sissy.

Before Summer ended, we made sure to enjoy our cousins and play in creeks...

We even brought our dog, Auggie.

Turns out.

I LOVE our dog.

The first 6-9 months 'bout made me crazy. But the key was a mix of her getting older and us figuring her out. Getting her an electric fence changed our lives, along with finding a bone she would actually chew instead of our socks.

Now....I'm in loooooooove.

Before summer was up, we spent a weekend building an outdoor fire pit. I was happy with the outcome, considering it was made entirely by hand and with rocks that already resided in our yard.

Then on into Fall

and the beginning of school!!

1st grade and Kindergarten this year.

So far so good:)

I have continued to love Sonlight over the past couple of years.

We continue to have to work HARD to keep on a schedule, but such is life.

It turned out that there was a Mudcat's (what, you don't know who the mudcats are?) game the first day of school, which worked out perfectly for giving it that special "first day of school" feel.

We also made it a point to celebrate Fall with a trip to the pumpkin patch. It just never gets old to me. Especially when my amazing parents join in the fun. This day, they actually surprised the boys by driving all the way out the the patch to play with them on a whim. They're whimmy people.

But wouldn't you be for cuteness like this, too?

And that's Shep's favorite day-nurse peeking her hand in there to help him not crush his foot with his gigantic pumpkin of choice.

We adore her.

Shep is doing really well. No major illness since the mastoid infection/hospitalization in the Fall.

Just got word from the Cardiologist that everything looks so good in his heart that they don't want to see us for another year. When we first came home, it was every 2 weeks. He's come a long way in three years.

Right now, we anticipate his next bronch with hopeful decanulation, in the end of March, 2 days before his 3rd birthday. There's no gaurantee but everyone's pretty hopeful.

Time will tell.

We also had the chance to take the boys to a horse riding lesson and see how they liked it.

Haddon, our shy,cautious one,

dove in like his middle name is John Wayne.

It was pretty remarkable to watch. He was really in his element. So I'm gong to have to sell a kidney so that he can ride horses.

It's ok.

He's worth it.

Speaking of people in their element, my dad went with us.

He grew up around horses on the family ranch and apparently they still really have a thing going.

Then, Thanksgiving.

Ahhhh, I loooove Thanksgiving.

Funny story,though.

At random, I was doing some research and became really excited about converting to a more Paleo diet for our family.

We've been on it for about 2 months and we're sold, but we decided to start it 2 days before Thanksgiving.

Right.

Yet it worked out. We were feeling so good and satisfied with out fats that we didn't really feel the need to dive back in to the carbs and sugars...

so we did a Paleo Thanksgiving.

Wasn't much of a sacrifice.

Next post...

Christmas and a trip to Alaska for the whole family!!!

late night prayers

Some times I don't blog because I don't have anything specific to say.

But more often it is because I have too much to say.

And it all swirls around in my crazy head all day long.

I literally "write" in my head all through the day.

It's how I think.

But it takes TIME to stop and sit and gather all the thoughts like little chicks back to the nest and tie it all together so that it gets communicated for the hopeful use of others.

Anyway, that's the case these days.

I have so much I want to write about,

and so many half written blog posts that I can't seem to finish.

It's not just the time. I can find time.

It's also energy and focus that needs to come at the same moment as time is available.

This is more rare.

I last blogged about the Ronald McDonald House event we spoke at.

It went wonderfully and happened to be the day after my birthday, which made for a very special birthday date.

Tonight, I want to write,

but again I don't have what it takes.

I have the thoughts,

but not the energy.

My heart is heavy for

far too many dear friends weighed down by the heaviness this broken life so often brings.

Sometimes doesn't it just seem like victories are few and defeats are often?

So,instead of watching "Sister Wives,"

a worthwhile endeavor...

I prayed.

Don't be impressed.

I had already watched 2 episodes in a row with my sister today.

I wasn't sincerely depriving myself.

And sometimes the needs of those around us literally stop us dead in our tracks, don't they?

And we are faced with our literal paralyzation.

As true as any paralyzation,

we want to move,

we will ourselves, we imagine what it would feel like,

to free them,

free ourselves,

from the ravage of sins fire.

The fire that always eats up those in its path.

How I long to just do something.

Anything to stop the pain.

The confusion.

The sleepless nights.

So many hurting tonight.

But I can't.

I'm just a paraplegic.

Completely without the ability to bring about the action I so long to do,spiritually speaking.

When it really comes down to it, I can't change anything.

I am not God.

I can be available to him.

I can listen for his voice.

And obey when I hear it.

And that is powerful

But I am quite small in the scheme of things.

Things like the problem of evil and suffering.

My only real hope is that God is not small,

and He is still on His throne.

He is not paralyzed by the gravity of sin.

How it tears families and lives apart.

How it tears worlds apart.

He knew sin had the power to do all this damage, even if it still surprises me.

When my sharp,cutting, dagger words go flying-

and it's not until I see the blood seeping from the wound of the one I love that I shut up.

Then I am shocked at how ugly, how damaging sin is.

When addictions steal away the hope for life and life becomes only that thing,

and it was only meant to be a good time,

an escape from the harder things of life.

And now you have no life.

When wars are fought and children starve every day and it seems

there just isn't enough hope to go around.

It's then I am stopped in my tracks and I am forced...

to pray.

Because what else can I do?

He knew these days would come.

The moment Eve stopped believing his love was true and rich and enough.

Was the moment the Rescue plan was put into place.

And it continues....

today.

So I just pray.

For those who can't seem to sleep tonight for all the weight of things gone wrong.

From the book, "A Diary of Private prayer" by John Baillie

O Thou who art from everlasting to everlasting, I would turn my thoughts to Thee as the hours of darkness and of sleep begin. O Sun of my soul, I rejoice to know that all night I shall be under the unsleeping eye of One who dwells in eternal light.

To Thy care, O Father, I would now commend my body and my soul. All day Thou hast watched over me and Thy companionship has filled my hear with peace. Let me not go through any part of this night unaccompanied by Thee.

Give me sound and refreshing sleep:

Give me safety from all perils:

Give me in my sleep freedom from restless dreams:

Give me control of my thoughts, if I should lie awake:

Give me wisdom to remember that the night was made for sleeping, and not for harboring of anxious or fretful or shameful thoughts. Give me grace, if as I lie abed I think at all, to think upon Thee.

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips; when I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the the night watches.

To thy care also, O Father, I would commend my friends, beseeching Thee to keep them safe in soul and body, and to be present in their hearts to-night as a Spirit of power and of joy and of restfulness. I pray for.... through Jesus Christ our common Lord. Amen.

Sweet Dreams.

Halloween 2011

Thought I had posted this one about a month ago.

Woops.

So here it is.

A month late.

But I think worth it:)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2011

from the Joyners

otherwise known as Aayla(from Clone wars)

Han Solo

Darth Maul,

Yoda,

and

R2D2.

I had to pull these costumes off without spending any money,folks.

I DID spend $1.99 on face paint.

A pure lack of self control on that one.

I think it was well worth it.

What do you think?

Have I told you lately that I love them?

SO, I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner,

which means that we are settled in back at home.

There is just something about hospital food to get you barefoot in the kitchen,

if you know what I mean.

Its that home-ness that you miss so much when you're...

not home.

And especially when you're not home because your in a hospital.

This reminds me that I have yet to make Pioneer Woman's Whiskey BBQ chicken I swore I'd make when I got home.

Note to self.

I am making a simplemeal that I found here.

It's not a typical meal for us, but looks good regardless and uses stuff I already have, which is key.

(It WAS good. I made mine into fajitas by sauteing some bell peppers and onions and adding avocados and sour cream in a tortilla, which was all stuff I happened to have around.)

I was planning on linguine and clam sauce but opened the fridge and saw chicken I had thawed out,

which made me have a "Either I cook something with chicken TONIGHT or we all gettin' Ecoli" tomorrow night" moment.

Not at all a valid thing to write about.

So back to what I was saying about HOME.

You miss it terribly when you're gone.

And hospital food makes you want risk Ecoli and another hospital stay just to get good, home- cooked food.

When Shep was hospitalized for the first two months of his life, we were remarkably blessed to stay at the Ronald McDonald house of Chapel Hill.

This "house that love built" fed us night after night, served up McDonald's coffee every morning, and had volunteers who made it their week's joy to make homemade peanut butter cookies that bring tears to my eyes.

Not because I'm feeling emotional.

Simply because they were THAT good.

And food is an idol of mine.

I could literally go on AND on AND on about my love affair with the Ronald McDonald house.

Which is why I get so excited every time they call us and ask us to share our story with a group of people in hopes that people will give towards their work.

Over the past 2 years, we have continued to stay involved with the RMH and coming up this weekend we get to attend one of their largest fundraisers for the second time.

While there, we will have the opportunity to not only get up and share our story with the group of donors invited, but also to be present when the RMH shows the video they recently put together to kick off their big renovation/building campaign.

They asked us if we'd be willing to be in the video.

I asked them if I could throw a Kate Gosselin style tantrum for drama's sake.

They said no.

But they did follow our family around a local park last week with cameras and boom mics, causing many poor people to believe there is a reality show being taped in the triangle area, and we are the stars.

But seeing as we are neither famous, drug addicted,rich, or parents to 20+ children, I don't see a reality TV show in our future.

At least not yet.

As soon as I get the OK, I'll post the video up here.

It really is beautiful and you'll get to meet two beautiful families, willing to share their beautiful stories and beautiful children with the world, in the midst of their suffering.

And yes, you should get your kleenex out for the occasion.

And since I doubt you will be attending the event this weekend,

just in case you wanna know what I tell people interested in giving to the RMH...

here ya go.

Try to pretend you are dressed up all fancy like...

(this speech was for a luminary lighting Xmas event, so context will be a bit different this weekend, but you get the point)

Good evening. We appreciate you folks inviting our

family here tonight to share about an experience very

precious to us.

Almost 2 years ago, our third son was born with a

heart defect we had not previously known about,

requiring heart surgery at a mere 4 days old. Being

only 5 pounds at the time and with a number of

anatomical abnormalities, his recovery went much

worse than expected- resulting in a 2 month stay at the

RMH of Chapel Hill. It was then that it was no longer

just the place McDonalds collects coins for . In large

part, because of their remarkable service to families,

the worst 2 months of this families life was also the

most remarkable 2 months of our lives. You see, no

one notified us before our son was born, that we

would need to prepare to fight for his life upon his

arrival into this world. But at the RMH, they knew.

Sure they didn’t know the Joyners by name…yet. But

they knew there would be families just like us. It’s

what they live and breath there…Families.

And so while I was home preparing nursery bedding,

they were busy preparing for us.

They were preparing a place where instead of leaving

our then 2 and 3 year old boys in another town with

family for 2 months, they could play cowboys and

indians with other children in the halls of the RMH.

Where they could greet us with their refreshing love

after a long day at the hospital. Where we could eat

dinner together in the evening (for free) and snuggle

together at night, before starting the fight again in the

morning. It is thanks to the RMH that our boys

remember those months with great fondness, not with

tears and loneliness. The folks at the RMH had

readied a place where a mother who thought she

would be cradling her newborn and nursing him,

could instead use their hospital grade pumps through

the night hours and store milk for my baby in a

special freezer…just for moms like me. A place

where I could do laundry like a normal mom, though

nothing in my life at the time seemed normal.

Massages on Thursday, peanut butter cookies on

Wednesday, therapy dogs for the siblings on

Monday, shuttles to and from the hospital

hourly…EVERYTHING I needed and nothing I’d

thought of. How could I have known what this little

family would need to get through the battle of a

lifetime? Gratefully, I didn’t need to know…because

they make it their job to.

The first night in Chapel Hill, we were dropped off at

a strange hotel, ushered to a non-smoking room that

smelled heavily like smoke, and we fell into bed,

numb, grief stricken and anxious…and it cost us far

too much.

This is a stark contrast to peanut butter cookies,living

rooms, and dinners. The rest of our stay those months

was in the RMH of CH. It doesn’t take a math wiz to

figure out that for the average family enduring a long

hospital stay, between the hotel and food and travel,

the financial burden can be crippling. And many

families are forced to make the impossible choice of

either leaving their sick child alone to struggle…or

drown trying. Because of the RMH, this family didn’t

have to make that decision.

You see, at the end of the day, for every family at the

RMH, there is only one thing that matters- the fight

for life. And as you wage the war- they are there, in

your corner, making sure we could do just that…

live. So that when you walk beyond the beeping

monitors, sounding alarms, and sullen faces, through

those hospital doors…and into the space where life

still goes on…there they are…making life possible in

an impossible time. Miraculously, my son survived

and is doing wonderfully, though for many families

the story will end differently. So when you light these

luminaries, please remember what it is you are

helping to make possible for families in their darkest

of days. You are making it possible for them to go on

hoping and living in a place where they make it their

primary goal to kindle hope in the midst of pain.

You wanna pull out your fat wallet and give, right?

Please say yes.

At least that's what I hope happens.

The boys carting each other out on the carts that are for luggage at the RMH in 2009

They felt right at home at the RMH

Easter Morning, getting ready for church at the RMH 2009

Shepherd did great. Will share more later.

He is just done. Done with IV's. Done with pain. Just done and asking for this brothers.

And they are going to let us be done.

They're trying to get us out of here right now.

Yay!

Of course, now the good weather is long gone.

It's cloudy,rainy, and foggy and I hear it's not changing any time soon.

The picnic will have to wait.

But we don't care too much.

Cause we can wait from home.

10 AM tomorrow...

I'm gonna try to keep this short and sweet.

hardy har har.

I know.

But I've got a big day tomorrow and I am just hoping that my new niece wants to stay in warm,beautiful, momma belly through the night.

Any time after noon tomorrow should work just fine little lady.

But if not,I may have very little sleep and a timing issue on my hands.

But why am I complaining?

It's not like I have to push a baby out into the world.

But this marvelous woman will very,very soon.

And I have to admit I have kind of hated the timing of all of this.

I wish my gorgeous sister didn't have to share the arrival of her daughter with the hospitalization of her nephew.

She has been so gracious, loving on me and my boys while she is due any day.

She is beautiful, in so many ways.

If I were Queen of the world and could plan these things, I would say, I am SO SORRY,sis.

But I know that you know that,

I am not.

And we shall trust God's timing on this thing together, shall we?

Anyway.

There have been a number of times since arriving at the Emergency room on Saturday that we have wondered why exactly we were still being kept at the hospital.

But this morning I got word that we were going home!

So I wearily but hopefully drove into Chapel Hill to bring my family home.

Noah and I had switched off duties the day before(Noah in the hospital,me at home with the older boys)

I decided that what we needed was a picnic.

My poor albino child has not seen the light of these GORGEOUS Fall days!

(He's not really albino. I jokingly said that then thought..it is Shepherd)

He can't even leave his room and walk around.

He just has to play games with the blinds, pulling them up and down and watching the constructions crews down below.

So a picnic it was.

Soon after I arrived, one of the ENT doctors came by to inform us that he highly recommended we NOT go home but instead stay on and get tubes in Shep's ears tomorrow.

This whole tubes in ears thing has really thrown us.

It's the kid's first ear infection for heaven's sake.

But after a LOT of questions and much bullying on our part, we feel confident this is the best thing for Shep.

Though we went into the hospital because of Respiratory distress(that can now officially be blamed on the adno virus)

He has stayed on, because of that incident 2 weeks ago(where Shep lost his balance from an ear infection)

Apparently, even after sending us home last time, the airway team has continued to talk about their concern for Shepherd and his loss of balance and infection of the "mastoid."

I now know that the mastoid is a honeycomb shaped bone that is part of the skull and near the ear.

They were planning on calling us to check on him at home, but well, we came to them:)

And upon our arrival,it was confirmed that this "mastoid infection" still remained.

AND upon another 4 days of IV antibiotics this hospital trip,

it still remains!

SO

We can send him home and hope it goes away on it's own,risking things like the spreading of infection to the brain and loss of hearing...

Or he can get tubes put in tomorrow and it will drain the puss from his ears and also give us the option of directly putting antibiotic drops that are 10,000x stronger than oral antibiotics into his ears.

So we chose that option.

But I'll admit, not easily.

I HATE SURGERIES.

NOAH HATES SURGERIES.

NO MATTER HOW MINOR.

Our experience,especially with Shep, is that nothing is simple.

Nothing is cut and dry and he is always in the minority.

So,

true story?

I'm hating this.

And really quite afraid for tomorrow.

NO matter how minimal it may be.

Will you pray with us for tomorrow?

**Shepherd has this virus which is causing him lots of coughing.

This will put him at greater risk during the anesthesia process for having bronchiospasms.

Please pray for protection from this.

**Please pray that we will have peace during the surgery. We've waited through too many surgeries with Shepherd, not knowing if we would have him on the other side. That even small surgeries take us to uncomfortable places.

***Please pray there will not be any complications.period.

If this doesn't work to clear this problem up, there are other, less pleasing options ahead.

He's on the books for 10am tomorrow. It should take 10-15 minutes once he's under anesthesia. We will then stay overnight and prayerfully go home by Thursday.

Sigh.

We're stinkin' tired.

I'm not gonna lie.

I'm ready to push the "easy" button.

But I am also very grateful for the care and protection of God through the hands of skilled doctors and an all too familiar hospital.

And my little guy?

He's downright amazing.

He has endured so much pain and pokes and prods and intermuscular injections....I lost you,didn't I?

The point is he has the most remarkable personality and

basically just rocks our world, along with his courageous brothers,

who bear being away from mommy and daddy and just keep giving,just keep loving,keep laughing...I can't believe I get these people as friends, as children.

So, when I went up to the hospital today,

I brought Shepherd up some necessities.

Things like suction catheters,underwear, pajamas, and dragon suits.

Just the basics.

You know.

Must haves.

Don't you agree?

Completely necessary.

Oh, and if you've never seen a mute child roar like a dragon,

you've not lived.

Thank you for praying with us...

I am going to bed and maybe I'll sleep through the night.

Maybe I will spend the night coaching my sister through the birthing process.

Always an adventure...

Welcoming Seasons

First things first.

I'll give you two guesses as to where I am typing this from.

No! Not the spa!

No! Not shopping my heart out!

No! Not relaxing at a coffee shop while I write!

My next favorite place...

Yup! The hospital! With Shepherd...

Alright so when I say "favorite" I mean

Geeeeeshhh! Enough with the dramatics!!!

Enough with the hospital already!

I hate drama.

I bet you don't believe me.

But it's no joke.

It's why I didn't like junior high..or high school for that matter...or having friends that were girls.

That was then.

I clearly feel differently about the issue now. My best friends are ALL girls.

Well,except that one hot guy I live with.

Anyway.

I am here with unkept,unwashed______________ fill in the blank with hair,clothes,teeth,etc.

And Shep is here in his bed charming the nurses and doctors,while simultaneously trying to take their jobs.

He is trying to suction himself, using the buttons on his bed to pump himself up and down, figuring out how to plug and unplug all of his equipment independently and putting his blood pressure cuff on and off on demand.

He is a riot.

No lie.

Last time we were here, a nurses aid offered to try and find him Thomas the train videos in passing.

He then proceeded to ring the nurse call button on the remote unceasingly while signing"train".

Poor gal.

With him being so self sufficient in the medical realm, they have decided to keep him here to train all the young ones on the 5 Children's floor. With budget cuts and all, if all kids can take their own vitals, they could save some serious dough.

Or so I've heard.

THAT, and the fact that the pulmonary team has decided that Shepherd's history with infection(specifically his numbers in the bronch that was done in August) seem to show that he may have a bunch of nasty bacteria that's been hanging out doing damage for some time.

When they did his bronch they saw what looked like infection and treated him with oral antibiotics.

The head Doc came by this morning and said that the amount of bacteria that the August culture showed would usually slam any kid in the hospital and make him very sick.

Shepherd had no symptoms and no fever at all.

But they chose to give him oral antibiotics at the time.

She feels confident that oral antibiotics would not deal with this strong an infection.

This probably has something to do with the whole ear infection that landed him in the hospital a couple of weeks ago being so brutal,too.

SO, though he's feeling much better, they want to leave him here for a couple of days at least and get him a bunch of IV antibiotics in him, in hopes that he will finally kick these bugs for good.

Sigh.

So glad that we know this now.

Not so glad that my sister is due any day now with my niece and I am her unofficial duola.

And this timing seems,um,less than ideal.

But anything else would be too free of drama, don't you think?

Anyway, sitting here in the hospital makes me think of all of the things I wish I was home doing.

I LOVE the Fall. I LOVE this time of year. I love life lived slow,gracious,sweet,

savoring moments.

This has not been life recently and I am seeking God on ways to change this.

But some things can not be changed.

Like being in the hospital instead of outside having a picnic.

Yet,

Thank you God for having a hospital available.

Thanking you for using this place and these people to make my son well.

EVEN if, they don't let me sleep at night.

Thank You,Lord.

I'll spend these days grateful.

And planning on things like

making this Whiskey BBQ Chicken from Pioneer Woman,

when I get home.

I know,right?

I'm thinking I'll whip up some Pumpkin Spice Latte action.

Maybe use a recipe like this one.

Pumpkin Spice Latte

compliments of THIS blog

Ingredients:

2 cups milk
1 cup very strong coffee (4 tablespoons coffee grounds to 1 cup of hot water) I,Stephanie, use my espresso machine for espresso and steaming the milk

2 tablespoons vanilla

4 teaspoons sugar

1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice or cinnamon spice
2 heaping spoonfuls of pumpkin

Directions:

Pour all of the ingredients into a pot and heat over medium-high heat until the coffee is steaming hot, whisking with a wire whisk until the ingredients are incorporated and a little frothy. Pour into mugs and top with fresh whipped cream & cinnamon. Enjoy!

Note- If you are not a fan of the cinnamon texture, I am seeing in the comments and through Facebook that adding a cinnamon stick to the coffee mixture while heating it can be a great remedy to the cinnamon texture. This way you get all of the cinnamon taste, but none of the grit! This is just a base recipe that can be played with to your own tastes and preferences. It is meant to be personalized depending on how you like your latte! Thank you all for trying and sharing this recipe! The response has been overwhelming on this one!

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Total Time: 5 minutes

Serving Size: 2

And I am thinking of taking up knitting again this fall.

I've never been really great at it but I do enjoy it in its most basic form.

I'm sure with a little focus, I could work up a dish rag or something.

Here's some inspiration

Found at THIS blog

So here we are and shall be for at least a couple of days.

Perhaps, I can make the time pass easier by this type of day dreaming.

And a trip by daddy and brothers to come hang out later today.

Until then,Mimi and I will continue to enjoy lovin' on our boy...without Pumpkin Spice Lattes.