Well, Shep has acquired his first cold this week. We know this is what the winter holds and we have and will continue to do all we can to protect Shepherd from illness- that is all WE can I said. Sometimes that will be enough, sometimes not. But always is he protected in the loving care of his Heavenly Father. The boys came down with colds and were quickly whisked away to mimi's palace (to stay with my mom and enjoy bubble bath's, cable TV, and lots of being doted on) last week. We thought Shep got by without catching anything but as the week progressed he began to get a little cold. For his first cold, it wasn't looking bad. Some extra secretions then eventually some wheezing and o2 at night while he slept his deepest. Eventually, we decided to see the pediatrician (we all try to keep him out of there as much as possible because of all of the germs and remember we do have nurses at our house). Yesterday we went in and our doctor felt it would be safest for him to be watched closer throughout his illness. He had us transported by ambulance to UNC, we spent the day there having x-rays, etc run and they ultimately decided to send us home. They thought he could have been admitted but with the level of care he gets at home we might as well keep him out of the germy hospital, too. Our pediatrician had a mild hemorrhage at the news we were headed back home, which left me a tad nervous at the judgement call that had been made by the ER and pulmonary folks. But after talking to numerous people, I felt very confident that home was the best place for Shep. Since then, he has not gotten worse, respiratory wise, but continues to have lot's of bronchial spasms where he can't stop coughing and eventually throws up, he still has a wheeze (which we are treating with neb treatments and oral steroids) but his xray came back clear for his lungs. Today he began to act a lot sicker, though still no fever. He has slept all day, is lethargic, though still eating good, praise God. I could just tell he felt terrible and seeing as this is like day 7 of the virus, it didn't seem to make sense... till they called back with the results from the culture we had done earlier on in the week. They show that 3 different types of bacteria are growing at Shep's trach site. There's really no telling how long they have been there what they've been up to but were sending Mr. Antibiotics that way. So my guess is that all the respiratory stuff is viral and the overall feel bad, look sick is the infection.

Trach infections are pretty common for trach patients, but are still bad news. God made sure that one of my highly trained PICU nurses that we brought home from the hospital was here today and she helped us decide at a crucial point wether or not he should be hospitalized again today. We have decided to just watch him very closely tonight and take it as it comes. This may seem crazy to some. He is sick and sick kids belong in hospitals. BUT, if he were to go to the hospital right now, they wouldn't do much more than what we can do at home. AND if he goes to the hospital he will be put on the floor, where he will be cared for a by a nurse who doesn't know him and has 4 other patients to care for. And though I love me some Tori & Dean on cable, I am not that desperate. And God know all of this, so He made sure that the night nurse we have all weekend is also a nurse of 20+ years who trains EMS to treat children. I think she's pretty qualified to take care of Shep at home, in his crib, with one-on-one attention.

But, please continue to pray for him. The concern, though not likely (otherwise we wouldn't be here) is that we face an emergent situation here at home. So please pray for discernment for all involved in Shep's care and quick healing. Thank you guys soooo much.

I just wanted to take a minute to point out the new buttons I have added on the sidebar to the right. I can hardly keep up with regular blogging much less the organizational details, but finally, here are some reminders to pray for some beautiful babies. I can't describe what it was like to have some of these folks praying for us during Shepherd's stay in the hospital.

The little man has handled his first cold like a champ, by the grace of God. But this morning, I am having to suction him like every couple of minutes, his secretions are so much. So for right now I'm holding him (in my AMAZING K'TAN SLING, which I finally got a button for. If your interested in teething bling or a K'tan sling, please go there through my button. That way I get referral points) while he sleeps. With all this junk, I wouldn't feel comfortable putting him in his crib, and this way I can suction easily every few minutes. We are waiting to hear back from the cultures we sent out yesterday to make sure it's just a common cold, but know Haddon and I have picked up a new cough. Thanks for continuing prayers. God's hand and provision has been SO clear.

Well, I won't be getting much "done" today but it sure could be a lot worse! This beautiful baby snuggled in my arms? Yeah, I like my job.

PLEASE PRAY RIGHT NOW!

STELLAN, ANOTHER HEART BABY, WHOSE STORY YOU CAN READ @ www.mycharmingkids.net

IS FIGHTING HARD IN THE MIDST OF A VERY DANGEROUS SURGERY,AS WE SPEAK. PLEASE PRAY FOR A MIRACLE!!!!

Still a spoiled brat...

Since I know you'd all be upset if I didn't start a post with a pic of this little man.....

Here is Shep taking a brisk, refreshing walk. We try really hard to get him outside since he stays at home so much. If I haven't metioned how much I love wubbanub's before (the paci with a beany baby sewed on to it to hold it in baby's mouth), here's a picture of one. I got this one at the hospital but have ordered more since then online.

They are amazing.

We've been hangin out, trying to stay healthy, which was until this week accomplished. But, alas, the boys did get sick this week for the first time since Shep came home. By the grace of God, it happened to be the week my parents are in town. So instead of total chaos, trying to keep sick brothers away from their baby Shep- my parents took the boys to their house at 7am this morning and they are cozied up enjoying cable and some mimi & papa time. Thank you, Lord, for your sweet provisions. It's things like this that remind me that you are near, you care, and you know what I need.

This coming Winter has the potential to be.... a very big lesson in trusting God. With all the crazy flu stuff going on and Shep being very much at risk, we have prayed and researched as much as possible, trying to figure out how to best protect our family. At the same time, we know that whatever we choose to do or not to do, our children's lives are not in our hands. I know, this should be review right? Didn't you already get that part, Steph? 

Well, turns out I'm a pretty slow learner, actually I have what would appear to be major learning disabilities. Yeah, like Spiritual dyslexia or something. 

At least that's how it seems these days. I feel like God is trying to pound his beautiful, refreshing, freeing truths into my dense skull and I'm like... duuuuh. Just slow. 

I guess it's just one of those seasons where it's gonna take some time.  My hardened heart needs someone very patient, very understanding, very strong, very loving, with unending reserves, unmatchable affections and tenderness, perfect insight, someone who knows me better than I know myself, someone who can change me. 

There is only one person I know like this. And by His mercy, I know Him. If you haven't caught on yet, let me tell you, I am talking about my Saviour. And though I love my Noah, I don't mean him. There is no human being on earth who can truly handle the things that this life sometimes, inevitably, brings our way. Most of all, there is no one who can handle us. I mean the us that falls apart, the us no one sees, or the us that the ones we love the most see in the hard times. 

The us that we try hide from ourself and others. Sometimes we just think of someone worse than ourselves. That approach isn't too hard. There is always someone worse than you right. You don' t have to think long to feel good about yourself and forget the broken parts. There's always Hitler.

Don't worry folks, I'm not going crazy. I'll leave that to Hitler.

I'm just a messed up fool, spoiled brat, who is sooo grateful for a Saviour. A lady who is so glad for my Abba Father, a Daddy, who is not deterred by the many temper tantrums I throw. And there are plenty. Trust me.

It actually reminds me a lot of my dad.

 I was a sassy little thing, growing up. And I never have much cared for not getting my way. It's SOOOO inconvenient and irritating. I swear I could be happy all the time if I could get my way all the time. But no one, including God, seems to agree.

Soooo anyway, I can remember countless times I threw embarrassing, out of control, disrespectful temper tantrums as a child. In those moments I had no regard for the parents who so tenderly and affectionately loved me, only wanting my best. Even if it meant "no." I just lost it. 

But this is not how my dad recounts my childhood.EVER. When asked about what I was like as a child he dives into an exhaustive list of the most charming,precious qualities; the sweetest of attitudes, the beautiful moments. To listen to my dad, you would have thought I was literally an angel. "My sweet Stephanie, my little Natasha, always soo sweet" (he used to call me this when I would wear a fur coat he loved to see me in. I was only 5, but he made me feel like a little russian beauty) He literally almost tears up every time.

My daddy is the most gracious person I know. And somehow I doubt that when my dad goes on and on, it's  just a bad memory. It's not that he doesn't know my weaknesses. He did raise me. It's more like when he thinks about me, his overwhelming love for me is so much greater than all my failings. In light of his true, authentic love for me, there's not a lot of room for recounting the failures. The failures are still real. But his love is even more real and far outshines it all.

I believe the God of the bible to love His people much like this. It verses like these in Hosea 11:1-4 that remind me of the character of the God I serve

The Lord's Love for Israel

11:1 When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
2 The more they were called,
the more they went away;
they kept sacrificing to the Baals
and burning offerings to idols.

3 Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk;
I took them up by their arms,
but they did not know that I healed them.
4 I led them with cords of kindness, 
with the bands of love,
and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws,
and I bent down to them and fed them.

And as one who still often acts like a child, boy am I glad. 

 When I'm not learning these valuable but tough lessons, this is a little bit of what life has held:

Dead cowboys

Fall 

Homemade Whipped Cream- my personal FAVORITE

Chick-fil-A in mommy and daddy's bed

and....

A couple days of restful

VACATION.

Thanks to a very generous family who showers other's with the blessings that God has showered on them, we got to enjoy our first mini vacation since having Shep. 

And the best part...

 it included Shep!

Fishing

Flying homemade kites (well, that makes them sound a little more impressive than needed)

I got them at the Dollar store and the boys got to color them. You know.. homemade like that

NOT homemade like THIS, which awaited us at the Cabin on our vacation. Did I mention how generous this precious family is?

And this kid.....

One thing is for sure

He is

not very

Happy! At all! Just flat out grouchy! Cranky! Miserable! 

But hey, we like him!

I'm thinking Christmas card, what about you?

And as a side note.. you guessed right.. Noah took me to IKEA for my birthday. Yayy!!!!!!! It was a blast!

Also, Shep has officially got his first tooth!!!! Pictures coming soon....

Guess

So guess where I got to go for my Birthday?????????

"God is never irritable or edgy. He is never fatigued or depressed or blue or moody or stressed out. His anger never has a short fuse. He is not easily annoyed. He is above any possibility of being touchy or cranky or temperamental. Instead he is infinitely energetic with absolutely unbounded and unending enthusiasm for the fulfillment of his delights. This is hard for us to comprehend, because we have to sleep everyday just to cope, not to mention thrive. We go up and down in our enjoyments. We get bored and discouraged one day and feel hopeful and excited another. We are like little geysers that gurgle and sputter and pop erratically. But God is like a great Niagara- you look at it and think: surely this can't keep going at this force for year after year after year. It seems like it would have to rest. Or it seems like some place up stream it would run dry. But, no, it just keeps surging and crashing and making honeymooners happy century after century. That's the way God is about doing us good. He never grows weary of it. It never gets boring to him." 

"Let those who desire my vindication shout for joy and be glad, and say evermore, "great is the Lord, who delights in the welfare of his servant!"

Psalm 35:27

John Piper writes this in his book, "The Pleasures of God," and it's just what I needed to hear today. 

Sun, Rain, and a few of my favorite things

Yes, it has been quite some time since I have spent time writing. Don't get me wrong it's not like I don't have TONS of QUIET time, DOWN TIME if you will. I mean I've got it comin out my ears. I'm practically BORED around here. And in between watching Oprah, eating bon-bons, or sun bathing with a Margarita in hand, it's hard to find time to do a thing like BLOG.

You understand.

SO

Things I love:

Shepherd, OF COURSE, AND his new "Teething Bling." I know, I know it sounds funny. But it's great! They are jewelry that look like cool stone pendants or bracelets but they are really PVC and BPA free plastic, like a teething ring. Well, actually it is a teething ring.

2 things I love- my babies and my jewelry- finally able to peacefully coincide. That's what Seinfeld calls "worlds colliding."

And I like it.

The same place I found his teething bling (I'll be putting up a link on my sidebar today hopefully) I got this AMAZING sling. IN LOVE.

It's perfect for Shep's trach.

As you can see, he's in love, too.

Also LOVE

Big brothers, holding little brothers

Sooooooo Swweeeeeeeett

These boys could not love their Shepiddy Deputy (as we like to call him around our ranch) more.

And I lOVE the Love

happening in this pic

and I love the coral colored pillow to the left, cause I made it and it's the inspiration for my new room decoration project, which has so far included 2 new wall hangings, new pillows, new curtains ( all for less than $20)

That I LOVE

And just try and tell me who doesn't love

The influence of an older brother...

(I swear it's not the tattoo that makes him so wild, though I have to point out that it has been 3 weeks and the tattoo is still going strong. hmmmmm. Maybe it was permanent)

Little boys

wearing underwear hats and

goofy expressions

Cowboys at the park

Mic Jagger lips

Baby boys trying to be like their daddies

Funny 2 Year olds that insist on laying down in the middle of the walking path at the new AMAZING park in our area. I guess he just needed some down time.

Thankfully there weren't any cyclers that came along.

But then again, how would I know?

I was too busy taking his picture to get him out of harms way.

Our precious Shepherd is now 6 MONTHS OLD!

It's so weird though. Noah and I both feel like were in some sort of time warp. It's like the past year just sucked us up into a vacuum. The boys keep growing out of their clothes out of nowhere, friends who just got pregnant a week ago are having their babies. And the boy are wearing the Halloween costumes I JUST made for them... a year ago... and it's time to make new ones.

It's just all a little weird.

But byy the GREAT GRACE of God... we are taking each day.

I still go back and forth between immense gratefulness and temper tantrums. Hopefully I'll grow out of that by at least my menopausal years.

And I'm hopelessly in love with this little boy. Who is still QUITE little. Of course, the camera always adds ten pounds.

He hit a little stagnant phase in his weight gain and everyone was worried, but I think it was just because I started replacing more of his bottle feeds with nursing feeds. BUT the good news is that after 2 weeks, I think we've worked out the kinks and I'm still able to nurse him more. He started gaining again last week and the past two days he has gained 5 ounces! That's a lot for 2 days, which brings him to a grand total of 11 pounds and 15.5 ounces- that's right, almost 12 pounds! As his nurse last night declared, "He's gotten so BIG! He looks like a regular three month old!"

I just love how big he looks in this pic. We were just driving a long when I snapped this shot.

Kidding. He's clearly not buckled in and though I really care for Ms Spears, I try not to emulate her parenting choices when fleeing paparazzi.

And last but OH, NOT LEAST

I LOVE Anniversaries

and my husband of 5 years.

It was 5 years ago on Oct 2 that I stood at the window watching it pour down rain at the hour I was supposed to be getting married. We gathered around and prayed and by the time we were done, so was the rain.

With the rain gone and the air refreshed, we went on to commit the rest of our lives and every fiber of ourselves to each other.

That NO MATTER what comes- illness, dissapointment, delight, or pain. Wether we fail or succeed, I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine.

And it is when you find yourself in those rainy seasons like the one we are in now, filled with circumstances that, at times, seem far from the sun & beauty that eventually came. It is in these times that you see what a gift God really gave you on that day.

He gave me a companion, a best friend, a man that will love me when I don't even closely resemble this kind, gentle, light hearted bride. And even though life isn't all roses and I sometimes feel that the challenges of life have brought out the worst in me, I know there is one man who will still hold me close when I crawl into bed after a long day, often filled with taking my stresses out on him. And it's that kind of love, that kind of beauty that reminds me of the perfect man- Jesus- and after a long but probably difficult and probably wonderful life, I will be able to crawl into his arms and rest, despite all my failings- only then it will be forever.

And that will be the sweetest kind of sweet.

But until that day comes, Thank you Noah for reminding me that even at my worst I am dearly loved and affectionately cared for.

Your just the man for me.

Thank you for sharing yourself, your life, and oh yeah, your genetics, with me. You gave me some pretty cute kids.