Nothing 2 Bring

Oh, the roller coaster of the PICU.  I can say that though it is still hard, there are many ways that the roller coaster gets a little less jarring. I can only attribute that to the shepherding hand of the Father in our lives. And though there are MANY ways in which I struggle to trust Jesus, I can confidently say that, by the grace of God, I do trust Him more than I did 2 weeks ago. How hopeful. 

With all of that said, I am writing again to beg you to pray. Though Shep has outwardly looked like he is accomplishing this whole breathing thing- inwardly he is not. His x-ray this afternoon proved that he still cannot inflate his left lung and he is at great risk of tiring out and not breathing at all. They would like to intabate him now, but are willing to let him wait till tomorrow mornings x-rays if he continues to keep all his numbers good. With this being said, they have told me there is a 95% chance that he CAN'T get that lung open. If they intubate him, the next and only option at this point will be a tracheostomy. A Trach is not a big deal in some ways, like you when you consider it saving his life. But it is a VERY Big deal in a lot of other ways. If he gets one, he will be in the hospital at least 3 more weeks, is at risk of infection, and will have to have it for anywhere from 1-3 years. It also means many challenging things for our family- all of which I have come to accept as part of God's will for us- if they happen. We will have to have a 24 hour live in nurse for at least 2 weeks, and then a nurse for at least 12 hours of every 24 hours every day for the rest of the time he has a trach (I'm talking a lady who we don't know will sit next to him while he sleeps all night long to make sure he doesn't suffocate). I won't exhaust you (or myself) with the details of the unkonwn future possibilities. Hopefully, you know enough to pray HARD. God has to literally open up his lung, and I know he can. But I don't know if He will, and He has given me a considerable peace about that. 

Please pray that God will miraculously inflate his lung and keep it there. Please also pray for Noah and I to have a divine amount of wisdom to make future decisions about our sons life. 

And PRAISE GOD that all of our "worst" options still include our son being alive. If the trach is the path God wants to take our family down, then all the things that means are going to be  beautiful and glorifying to God. My heart brakes at the thought of this road, but I am refusing to think too much about the future. I have today, and today God has given me the strength to face the disappointment that it has held so far. I praise Him for that, because I CANNOT produce that in myself. And I will hold on to these marks of God's grace when I fear that God's grace will not arrive in the future. It HAS and it WILL.

p.s. Please pray for a little boy who is here named Reed. He is 6 months old and has had major surgery and is struggling. We have met his parents and I told them I would get folks to pray for them. Thanks guys.