Sunday, April 12, 2009
I feel like there is so much that I want to write but I don't have the energy to do it. So, for I know I will just try to keep it to the basic update. Shepherd has miraculously continued to do better today, in small but substantial ways. He is still on the CPAP, but his heart rate and more importantly his respiratory rate (RR) have evened out. Anytime he has been off the breathing tube previuosly, he has truly had to labor to breath, putting his heart rate higher and his RR anywhere from 70-115. 30-60 is normal and today he has been in the 50's and 60's. I truly didn't know it was possible for him to breath fairly normally without the ventilator, and I wholeheartedly believe it shouldn't be possible. BUT GOD HAS SUSTAINED HIM!!! All the odds are against him and there is no reason why he should be able to do this. It wasn't until this evening that they began talking about starting him on low level feeds of breast milk. That is a really good sign that they don't anticipate re-intubating him! They have been weary of doing this over the past couple of days because they weren't convinced he was going to be able to do this- and I wasn't either. In fact I don't think he can do this, but I know that thus far God has truly opened his airway and given him strength for each breath. I will call the hospital in the next couple of hours after they do night rounds and get a better idea of their plan for tonight but I think they are encouraged by what they are seeing. I know we are. Yet, I would be lying to say I'm not struggling with fear. I am sooooooo grateful to see him having these victories. Yet with each victory is the fear that I will hang my hope on that and then have my hope horribly disappointed. So, I pray I don't stay there, because I want to marvel and delight it what God has done TODAY. And TODAY God has carried our little Shepherd farther than any of us could have hoped. Thank you, Father.