Saturday, June 7, 2008

A mom of many mistakes

I tend to be acutely sensitive to what others around me are experiencing. This can be a gift from God...or, more commonly, an opportunity for my flesh to fear, be anxious, or obsessive. Recently, with the death of Maria Chapman (Steven Curtis Chapman's 5 year old daughter), I have come face to face with my own fears of loss and suffering. Because of my sensitivity to what others may be feeling, it is even easier for my imagination (which is pretty vibrant anyway) to carry me away to a place of despair and hopelessness. It has done this many times in the past few weeks as I imagine myself in the place of a number of parents who have lost their children in horrible ways. Last night, amidst many tears, I admitted to the Lord, how afraid I am of losing my children, but most of all I am afraid of losing my children because of a mistake that I make. I don't want to dive into the depths of my dark imagination but there are many children who are with our father because of what seems like a very small, simple mistake. You mothers know of the many moments throughout our days where we turn our back too long, take our eyes off of them for too long, get distracted, confused, lazy, tired, you name it. If you can lose a child to a common yet neglectful mistake.... Then what chance do I have? I know that sounds so extreme, but this is what my flesh says to me. As I cried out to the Lord, I said "But I make so many mistakes!!" And The Lord said back to me "BUT I DON'T." So I choose in this moment today to believe by faith this truth. That even when mom's make mistakes and children are lost that ULTIMATELY mom made a mistake but God did not. He reminded me that when my back is turned too long or my attention is distracted, GOD'S IS NOT. Even though my children are under my care, they are under the ULTIMATE AND PERFECT CARE of GOD. These are some encouraging truths I have come upon today to encourage me.
  • In my study in Colossians chapter 1 I was reminded that all things were created through Jesus and for Jesus---including me and my children.
  • I am making the choice to declare Jesus as Lord today and don't imagine a graceless tommorrow. (Girltalk blog)
  • 1 Peter 3:6 is written on the chalkboard in my kitchen so that I can meditate on it.
    "Do not fear anything that is frightening." 1 Peter 3:6
Yes, many of the things in this world are really frightening, but by the Grace of God given to me in this moment I will choose to trust God in obedience and surrender to His Good and sovereign hand.