Saturday, March 31, 2007

Life as a new momma

Well, I am back. It has been at least 8 weeks since I have posted, but I feel confident in my excuse of being a new mommy. Yes, as my sister wrote, our little Haddon did FINALLY arrive. Does the Lord insist on me trusting him? Does he have to take every opportunity to teach me more about His beautiful character? yes, of course, and I am glad for it. It was difficult to wait faithfully while I grew more and more over due, and grew in general! Thank you, Lord for ringing out as much sanctification out of the situations in my life as possible.
Anyhow, he is here and I am delighted at how much fun it is to be a mother to 2. I feel as though my heart has grown to double its size, and at the risk of sounding like a double mint commercial, it really is double the fun. Of course, like all great things, it is also a new kind of challenge. Adding to it a house rennovation and moving has been a bit chaotic. Depending on the moment you peek your head in , a LOT chaotic. My new little one is still working out the kinks of life here, but then again so is mommy. I keep wishing that during this new season of life, I could just hang out with my boys at home and have nothing on my to-do list except things like boys like crazy
2. cuddle under the covers with Aslan and read books
3. Cozy up close to Haddon in bed and nurse him to sleep, then fall asleep next to him
4. Take a walk with sister and cousins and enjoy the gift of spring alongside these precious little people.
Instead my to do list has looked a little more like this:
1. Do laundry(at least 2 out of the 8 loads), clean dishes
2. try to get at least one good nap in for Aslan
3. Pack up both boys and bring them over to the new house (that is one the days that I don't come out to find my tire flat, or my keys missing)
4. Put Aslan in the room at the new house with the gate and convince him that it is better to play with toys in there then be in the room with mommy, and comfort him when he looks at me crying and saying, "mommy, out."
5. While Aslan still cries, consoled only for a moment with the excessively large mound of crackers I gave him, I try to paint....oh wait no I don't cause now that aslan is happy.. haddon is crying. I feed him and put him back down, he is finally asleep, now I can paint. Brush in hand, freshly dipped in paint I ......oh, Aslans really upset now, etc. etc.
you get the point.
Now if only my schedule looked like the first to do list which is a GREAT goal and one I am not giving up on attaining,I know that then I would not have to fight this ugly flesh of mine. Then I would be the perfect mom, and therefore the perfect Christian. Really its not me that struggles with discontentment, arrogance, frustration, impatience and a grumbling is my schedule.
A qoute in the most recent book I am reading really hits home (no pun inteded). It has provided encouragement for this beautiful experience called motherhood. I hope it does the same for you.

"I am a deeply romantic woman, always yearning for the picture perfect home-fires on the hearth with feasts and laughter nearby, pleasent and gracious conversations, an ambience of beauty and peace. I write about my ideals, I breath my ideals in the secret moments of my life. I want a picture-perfect marriage where I am adored and appreciated. I want my children to be healthy, happy, and harmonious. I want strong friendships and a stable community with friends. I want an extended family to be close to us and provide my children with godly support and lots of godly input. I want there to be money for all the bills, a home that isn't always exploding with messes, and time to sit and read a good book, and ponder life. These longings are not wrong. Ideals and the desire for beauty are simply the echoes of God's design in our hearts. He was the one who designed he world to be a masterpiece of wonder and life. the yearning for peace, health, and comfort is natural to our souls and comes from the depths of our hearts where we can still feel and imagine what God created life to be before the fall."-"The Mom walk" by Sally Clarkson
Well said, sista.
As I look forward to and strive to enjoy Gods gifts, and when life doesn't look like what i like it to look like, it is merely Gods way of showing me this ugly side of myself, that unless repented of and rejected-will get in the way of all the beautiful moments I seek to expereince in this life. So I praise the Lord for this little boy that constantly reminds me-through moments of divine joy and moments of weariness-that life is beautiful and God is beautiful.

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