Monday, March 26, 2012

Bronch #5

(he and his daddy snuggled, since we kept him up late for his midnight night snack of a birthday cupcake and a glass of milk before he had to stop eating for surgery)

They just took him back.
2 days before his 3rd birthday, he's all dressed up in scrubs, and groggy with medicine that will hopefully make him forget that we handed him over to strangers while he cried,
to be taken to the OR,
for his 5th bronchoscopy in his little life.

I'm so proud of him.
I always am.

Last night, we lay on his pillow.
He and I, snuggled nose to nose, saying our prayers,
talking about what would happen today.
He's gotten so much older and was more anxious anticipating this trip to the hospital than he has in the past.

He's consistently been expressing his lack of interest in getting his trach out.
"Me not want my chake out. make me sad," he'd say.
I'm guessing partly because it's all he's ever know,having had his trach since he was a mere 2 weeks old.
And partly, I think, because he knows that when the trach goes, so do his blessed nurses, his dear friends, the women who love him so well and have for so long.
I encouraged him that we'd have to just trust God with the timing of him getting his trach out.
His response?
At first, "Me no like God."
What matters is that He loves you, my darling.

And,finally, last night, as we lay cheek to cheek,
he prayed,"I hope me get my chake out. Amen."

I'm just so glad we can trust our Heavenly Father with all of this.
I'm so glad I don't have to know what is the best option.
Just to trust the one who does.
If there's anything I've learned form Shepherd's life, it's that much joy can be found in letting go of my expectations and expecting much from God.
Wouldn't change a thing so far.
Shepherd waits and plays with the new train mimi gave him while he gets prepped for surgery.

waiting in pre op with Mimi, watching cartoons with momma, and snuggling with daddy before going back for surgery.
The pulmonary Dr just came out to say she was done with her part. I won't bore you with the medical details but she did say that ENT feels like they can at least try to laser the tissue out of Shepherd's airway today. If it's not enough, then they hope to send him home and come back for the rest in a couple of weeks.
Much is still unknown.
He's still back there.
We're still waiting.
But I am encouraged already.

I heard the ENT surgeon speaking about Shepherd in a hushed voice outside our curtain before they took him back.
She explained to the team that he was just a kid who "should be fine, but he's just so weak, and needs time. I give him a 50/50 chance today, she said."
I'd come in this morning, thinking it was a liiiiittle better than 50/50 and it was interesting to hear her describe him as weak because I always see him as so strong.
But I know what she meant.

He's just perfect.
And as I walked away, I praised God for making his airway.
Shaping it into the weak,broken, mess that it is.
It's God's work.
And He is worthy of praise.

I'll let you know what we find out...
I hate waiting in hospitals, much less the second floor, where the Pediatric Intensive Care unit is. So much pain on one floor of a building...
May God be near to us all.

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