Tuesday, November 29, 2011

late night prayers

Some times I don't blog because I don't have anything specific to say.
But more often it is because I have too much to say.
And it all swirls around in my crazy head all day long.
I literally "write" in my head all through the day.
It's how I think.

But it takes TIME to stop and sit and gather all the thoughts like little chicks back to the nest and tie it all together so that it gets communicated for the hopeful use of others.

Anyway, that's the case these days.
I have so much I want to write about,
and so many half written blog posts that I can't seem to finish.

It's not just the time. I can find time.
It's also energy and focus that needs to come at the same moment as time is available.
This is more rare.

I last blogged about the Ronald McDonald House event we spoke at.
It went wonderfully and happened to be the day after my birthday, which made for a very special birthday date.

Tonight, I want to write,
but again I don't have what it takes.
I have the thoughts,
but not the energy.
My heart is heavy for
far too many dear friends weighed down by the heaviness this broken life so often brings.
Sometimes doesn't it just seem like victories are few and defeats are often?

So,instead of watching "Sister Wives,"
a worthwhile endeavor...
I prayed.

Don't be impressed.
I had already watched 2 episodes in a row with my sister today.
I wasn't sincerely depriving myself.

And sometimes the needs of those around us literally stop us dead in our tracks, don't they?
And we are faced with our literal paralyzation.
As true as any paralyzation,
we want to move,
we will ourselves, we imagine what it would feel like,
to free them,
free ourselves,
from the ravage of sins fire.
The fire that always eats up those in its path.

How I long to just do something.
Anything to stop the pain.
The confusion.
The sleepless nights.
So many hurting tonight.

But I can't.
I'm just a paraplegic.
Completely without the ability to bring about the action I so long to do,spiritually speaking.
When it really comes down to it, I can't change anything.
I am not God.

I can be available to him.
I can listen for his voice.
And obey when I hear it.
And that is powerful

But I am quite small in the scheme of things.
Things like the problem of evil and suffering.

My only real hope is that God is not small,
and He is still on His throne.
He is not paralyzed by the gravity of sin.
How it tears families and lives apart.
How it tears worlds apart.

He knew sin had the power to do all this damage, even if it still surprises me.

When my sharp,cutting, dagger words go flying-
and it's not until I see the blood seeping from the wound of the one I love that I shut up.
Then I am shocked at how ugly, how damaging sin is.

When addictions steal away the hope for life and life becomes only that thing,
and it was only meant to be a good time,
an escape from the harder things of life.
And now you have no life.

When wars are fought and children starve every day and it seems
there just isn't enough hope to go around.

It's then I am stopped in my tracks and I am forced...
to pray.

Because what else can I do?
He knew these days would come.
The moment Eve stopped believing his love was true and rich and enough.
Was the moment the Rescue plan was put into place.
And it continues....
So I just pray.

For those who can't seem to sleep tonight for all the weight of things gone wrong.

From the book, "A Diary of Private prayer" by John Baillie

O Thou who art from everlasting to everlasting, I would turn my thoughts to Thee as the hours of darkness and of sleep begin. O Sun of my soul, I rejoice to know that all night I shall be under the unsleeping eye of One who dwells in eternal light.
To Thy care, O Father, I would now commend my body and my soul. All day Thou hast watched over me and Thy companionship has filled my hear with peace. Let me not go through any part of this night unaccompanied by Thee.
Give me sound and refreshing sleep:
Give me safety from all perils:
Give me in my sleep freedom from restless dreams:
Give me control of my thoughts, if I should lie awake:
Give me wisdom to remember that the night was made for sleeping, and not for harboring of anxious or fretful or shameful thoughts. Give me grace, if as I lie abed I think at all, to think upon Thee.
My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips; when I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the the night watches.
To thy care also, O Father, I would commend my friends, beseeching Thee to keep them safe in soul and body, and to be present in their hearts to-night as a Spirit of power and of joy and of restfulness. I pray for.... through Jesus Christ our common Lord. Amen.

Sweet Dreams.

No comments: