Saturday, November 7, 2009

Still a spoiled brat...


Since I know you'd all be upset if I didn't start a post with a pic of this little man.....
Here is Shep taking a brisk, refreshing walk. We try really hard to get him outside since he stays at home so much. If I haven't metioned how much I love wubbanub's before (the paci with a beany baby sewed on to it to hold it in baby's mouth), here's a picture of one. I got this one at the hospital but have ordered more since then online.
They are amazing.


We've been hangin out, trying to stay healthy, which was until this week accomplished. But, alas, the boys did get sick this week for the first time since Shep came home. By the grace of God, it happened to be the week my parents are in town. So instead of total chaos, trying to keep sick brothers away from their baby Shep- my parents took the boys to their house at 7am this morning and they are cozied up enjoying cable and some mimi & papa time. Thank you, Lord, for your sweet provisions. It's things like this that remind me that you are near, you care, and you know what I need.
This coming Winter has the potential to be.... a very big lesson in trusting God. With all the crazy flu stuff going on and Shep being very much at risk, we have prayed and researched as much as possible, trying to figure out how to best protect our family. At the same time, we know that whatever we choose to do or not to do, our children's lives are not in our hands. I know, this should be review right? Didn't you already get that part, Steph? 
Well, turns out I'm a pretty slow learner, actually I have what would appear to be major learning disabilities. Yeah, like Spiritual dyslexia or something. 
At least that's how it seems these days. I feel like God is trying to pound his beautiful, refreshing, freeing truths into my dense skull and I'm like... duuuuh. Just slow. 
I guess it's just one of those seasons where it's gonna take some time.  My hardened heart needs someone very patient, very understanding, very strong, very loving, with unending reserves, unmatchable affections and tenderness, perfect insight, someone who knows me better than I know myself, someone who can change me. 
There is only one person I know like this. And by His mercy, I know Him. If you haven't caught on yet, let me tell you, I am talking about my Saviour. And though I love my Noah, I don't mean him. There is no human being on earth who can truly handle the things that this life sometimes, inevitably, brings our way. Most of all, there is no one who can handle us. I mean the us that falls apart, the us no one sees, or the us that the ones we love the most see in the hard times. 
The us that we try hide from ourself and others. Sometimes we just think of someone worse than ourselves. That approach isn't too hard. There is always someone worse than you right. You don' t have to think long to feel good about yourself and forget the broken parts. There's always Hitler.
Don't worry folks, I'm not going crazy. I'll leave that to Hitler.
I'm just a messed up fool, spoiled brat, who is sooo grateful for a Saviour. A lady who is so glad for my Abba Father, a Daddy, who is not deterred by the many temper tantrums I throw. And there are plenty. Trust me.
It actually reminds me a lot of my dad.
 I was a sassy little thing, growing up. And I never have much cared for not getting my way. It's SOOOO inconvenient and irritating. I swear I could be happy all the time if I could get my way all the time. But no one, including God, seems to agree.
Soooo anyway, I can remember countless times I threw embarrassing, out of control, disrespectful temper tantrums as a child. In those moments I had no regard for the parents who so tenderly and affectionately loved me, only wanting my best. Even if it meant "no." I just lost it. 
But this is not how my dad recounts my childhood.EVER. When asked about what I was like as a child he dives into an exhaustive list of the most charming,precious qualities; the sweetest of attitudes, the beautiful moments. To listen to my dad, you would have thought I was literally an angel. "My sweet Stephanie, my little Natasha, always soo sweet" (he used to call me this when I would wear a fur coat he loved to see me in. I was only 5, but he made me feel like a little russian beauty) He literally almost tears up every time.
My daddy is the most gracious person I know. And somehow I doubt that when my dad goes on and on, it's  just a bad memory. It's not that he doesn't know my weaknesses. He did raise me. It's more like when he thinks about me, his overwhelming love for me is so much greater than all my failings. In light of his true, authentic love for me, there's not a lot of room for recounting the failures. The failures are still real. But his love is even more real and far outshines it all.
I believe the God of the bible to love His people much like this. It verses like these in Hosea 11:1-4 that remind me of the character of the God I serve

The Lord's Love for Israel

11:1 When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
The more they were called,
the more they went away;
they kept sacrificing to the Baals
and burning offerings to idols.

Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk;
I took them up by their arms,
but they did not know that I healed them.
I led them with cords of kindness, 
with the bands of love,
and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws,
and I bent down to them and fed them.

And as one who still often acts like a child, boy am I glad. 


 When I'm not learning these valuable but tough lessons, this is a little bit of what life has held:

Dead cowboys

Fall 
Homemade Whipped Cream- my personal FAVORITE
Chick-fil-A in mommy and daddy's bed
and....
A couple days of restful
VACATION.
Thanks to a very generous family who showers other's with the blessings that God has showered on them, we got to enjoy our first mini vacation since having Shep. 
And the best part...
 it included Shep!
Fishing
Flying homemade kites (well, that makes them sound a little more impressive than needed)
I got them at the Dollar store and the boys got to color them. You know.. homemade like that
NOT homemade like THIS, which awaited us at the Cabin on our vacation. Did I mention how generous this precious family is?

And this kid.....
One thing is for sure

He is
not very
Happy! At all! Just flat out grouchy! Cranky! Miserable! 
But hey, we like him!
I'm thinking Christmas card, what about you?

And as a side note.. you guessed right.. Noah took me to IKEA for my birthday. Yayy!!!!!!! It was a blast!
Also, Shep has officially got his first tooth!!!! Pictures coming soon....

2 comments:

Geerts said...

Pictures are so cute!!

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